Bilski's house is amazing! Its really well decorated. There's a lot of wood in the house, and somehow having all those different types of wood, all dark, really combine to make the house look old world, yet newly designed. Its definitely someplace I wouldn't mind living in. It also balances nicely against the white walls, keeping the white from taking over like some houses (cough cough OURS cough. Im sorry, what?)
The lakes and ponds have started to freeze over. It looks really pretty. I want to go out on them so bad, but Alex says it's a bad Idea since Its not fully frozen yet. We did see 2 people skating on it, but apparently they have a death wish.
We went to the Mall of America today. I wanted to buy stuff, like a scarf, but every scarf I saw was either hella expensive or had frilly fronds/ ugly colors. We had lunch at this Italian restaurant and it was AMAZING!!! I've never had better strawberry lemonade or grilled chicken fettuccine alfredo. I was in heaven.
Then we went to this Nascar racing track game. It was a little fun, but the price was way over what I would have paid if I had been the one paying for it. It was a glorified video game.
Thats all folks!
Neil
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
FINALLY DONE WITH MY WEB SITE!!
holy crap. its more complicated than I thought!
I don't know why, but the pictures did NOT want to go where I was telling them to go. But I have been working on it for five hours straight. I am really pleased with what came out of it; and now I know how to create a website If I need too!
besides the pictures not being perfect, Im a little worried about the pictures themselves. Our professor told us only to use pictures in the public domain. Do u know what is in the public domain? crap. Yea, crap. Because no one wants to give out a good quality photo for free. So I might have a couple (cough, a lot) of picture that are copyrighted. Lets hope he grades it before the owners find it!
We had to choose a hobby, and since swimming has pretty much taken over my life, swimming it is! Plus it lets me find pictures of hot guys and put them into my work! Does anyone else think Michael Phelps is really good looking in a goofy kind of way?
take a look: http://csdept.smumn.edu/students/nheacox/Hobby/index.htm
huh. for some reason the format changes on a mac. Cuz the numbers on the first page are way off, when I KNOW I checked that before I turned it in :/
It snowed today and finally stuck on the ground! It looked like someone dropped powdered sugar everywhere. Definitely amazing and kept me in my good mood that has lasted since sunday!!! It was too powdery to pack together though.
Thanksgiving break tomorrow! Can't Wait!
<3 Neil
I don't know why, but the pictures did NOT want to go where I was telling them to go. But I have been working on it for five hours straight. I am really pleased with what came out of it; and now I know how to create a website If I need too!
besides the pictures not being perfect, Im a little worried about the pictures themselves. Our professor told us only to use pictures in the public domain. Do u know what is in the public domain? crap. Yea, crap. Because no one wants to give out a good quality photo for free. So I might have a couple (cough, a lot) of picture that are copyrighted. Lets hope he grades it before the owners find it!
We had to choose a hobby, and since swimming has pretty much taken over my life, swimming it is! Plus it lets me find pictures of hot guys and put them into my work! Does anyone else think Michael Phelps is really good looking in a goofy kind of way?
take a look: http://csdept.smumn.edu/students/nheacox/Hobby/index.htm
huh. for some reason the format changes on a mac. Cuz the numbers on the first page are way off, when I KNOW I checked that before I turned it in :/
It snowed today and finally stuck on the ground! It looked like someone dropped powdered sugar everywhere. Definitely amazing and kept me in my good mood that has lasted since sunday!!! It was too powdery to pack together though.
Thanksgiving break tomorrow! Can't Wait!
<3 Neil
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Just Something In the Way You Look Tonight
Written 11/21/08
Read Previous Post First
This post will prove to be incredibly long and probably confusing for most.
So I tried to write this post as fast and as orderly as I could, but like usual my brain was throwing stuff at me three at a time. I hope it makes sense to everyone, but its mostly for me. Probably won’t though.
Its about culture, me finding god/ a power again, and all that splurge of junk. I’m sorry if it offends anyone, but it’s my thoughts.
Here I am riding on the bus to the Macalester two-day swim meet with nothing to do but think the thoughts in my head. This time though, it is a good thing. I positive I’ve needed to think about this stuff for a long time, but the time just wasn’t right.
Last night, as I was studying for my Mass Communications test (these things always seem to sneak up when they’re the most inconvenient. You can always learn new things when under pressure or boredom. This is why I think boredom is so beneficial—as an example, learning to draw so well during all those years of math.) A thought resurfaced from the back of my mind. This was partly because of my frustration of not being able to see the movie Twilight this weekend.
It got me wondering again why there seemed to be so many books, movies, pictures—everything! About Vampires. They seem to be a cultural phenomenon right now. People cant get enough of them, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Underworld the Movie, the Twilight Series, Angel the Television Show, those countless vampire books that never became as famous as Twilight, etc., etc.
So, as with everything that I find interesting, I wanted to know if anyone else had noticed this trend. I typed in vampire obsession (or an equivalent to this) into Google, and lo and behold! It had been noticed. There were pages and pages upon it. I started to read them, and some of them I agreed with, but some of them bothered me.
They all tried to explain why we were obsessed with them, and why creatures that had been seen not a hundred years ago as putrid, lustful demonic shells of humans could possibly become heroes in shows. There was one woman who wrote that we are becoming a godless society, and so we can sympathize with demon creatures because we can understand their lusting for sex and the ability to live eternally without needing salvation. I really didn’t agree with what she said.
The other person said the same thing, but in a nicer way: he said that in an atheistic society we desire the ability to live forever. He said something else, but this must wait, because as the always multi-tasking, always engaging in internal dialogue person that I am, I was looking up another thing on the Internet. I SWEAR I was studying for my test. All three topics at the same time. They were all really important!
So this second thing I was looking up, was because I lately have been missing reading about love. True love. But not just any love, Gay love because it would apply directly to me. This is important because it makes me believe the stories more—something to the effect that I can see myself exist within the stories.
The problem is that there are never enough of them out there. It’s like territory that has never been walked on, or has been charted by inferior mapmakers; a new land that few have the guts to traverse. These maps have become their own locations; unsatisfactory, unauthentic imaginations. These “authors” only talk about sex and how it’s the greatest thing in life. I must admit I don’t have any experience to say how great sex is, but it isn’t the sex that is so great. Just like the maps. The maps are useless if the actual location doesn’t exist. What’s so amazing about sex is the other person there with you, the bonding, and the fact that you both love each other and find each other so irresistible… The map helps make the land easier to understand and makes it better to traverse. The sex helps you understand the person you are (hopefully) getting to know. Again, without the land, the map means nothing. You can get a lot of pleasure looking over a map, but in the end it’s visiting the actual place that makes it unforgettable. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need other people to have sex with. Duh! lol
Worse than having a map and no location to traverse, is a crappy, misdrawn blob that someone assures is the real thing. What can you do with it? Nothing.
Now to what I was looking up. I remembered my favorite gay magazine, XY. I missed it so much, because this magazine had so much potential. I bought a magazine probably a year ago called the Gay Times. There were lots of hot guys, and eventually I read the articles. I tried to pretend that these articles were important, like they mattered, but they didn’t. They were all fluff. It was just like what someone told me about Playboy Magazine: they put articles in there not because anybody reads them, but to pretend like they had depth. These articles were pure, marshmallow peep fluff.
And then I bought the picture edition of XY. The guys in it were so beautiful, and were actually my age. I imagined I felt like my sister Ariell when she used to buy Vogue, and Seventeen Magazine. I could stare at these beautiful faces day in and day out, and Imagine what it would be like to get to know them, to get to hold their hands, maybe whisper sweet nothings in their ears as they playfully smiled back. Some of them almost dared to develop personalities but that’s always when I realized they were just made of paper.
I went back to that Barnes and Noble, looking for another Picture Edition of XY, hoping that a new edition would be there. I found the farmiliar XY symbol and picked it up. I was happy because there was a really cute guy on the front of it, but unhappy because it was half the size, and half of the pages had those damned pointless articles like the Gay Times!
I was frustrated, but I sat down to at least see if the pictures were good enough to buy. They so were. There was this blonde kid, my age, with amazing blue eyes, and lips so full they were heartbreaking. I couldn’t stop looking at him. His features and skin looked to be made of the smoothest marble. Here was another imaginative lover, ready for me to stare at and dream, dream that I could have this; that it would be ok to have.
And then I decided, what the hell, I’ll read one of the articles. I was doubly shocked. It was amazing. The writer was talking about how we, as a culture should stand up for ourselves. Another one talked about how we should start to see ourselves in a positive light, and not treat ourselves like society was treating us. It amazed me. I was so touched by the writing, shivers traveled up and down my whole body.
I immediately bought the magazine, shelling out the $10 dollars and feeling like I had made a bargain. A magazine with beautiful guys, AND substance? Priceless.
So, to see if I could subscribe to the magazine, I went to the website, XY.com. I found that they posted their articles on the website. Score! I found a really long one by the owner of the magazine himself, Peter Ian Cummings. It was called: How The Gay Scene Lost It’s Way. A very gutsy thing to post in a magazine for gay teenagers, I remember thinking.
But his article was the same as his others: beyond amazing. He talked about how the gay culture before the HIV/AIDS breakout was actually a culture worth being a part of. It was a time of being able to learn about ones physical sexuality freely (as long as you knew where to go), but to also search for love, friendship, and a good time. He also talked about how guys used to walk up to another guy they “fancied” and would tell them that they though they were cute. Now, Peter says, everyone is afraid. Everyone has an attitude because they are afraid to show their true selves. Drugs run rampant because it’s so easy to not be yourself when hopped up on alcohol and drugs. People are even afraid to have sex because they are afraid of getting AIDS. I don’t know if this is true or not, but accepting how the culture is today, anything has to be better.
The thing he said that struck me the most was that people were even afraid to tell each other they like each other. Nobody dances with each other because a) you would have to tell someone you like them, and b) slow songs are never played. Its like homosexuality has become acceptable, but love has not. People are too cool for love. Even if two people do go somewhere and have sex, it doesn’t mean anything, it was just a body. They are afraid, afraid to show their feelings, afraid to show that need that ALL humans have of needing someone else to love. To either feel safe with someone, accepted by someone, enjoy time with someone, whatever floats your boat.
What does this have to do with Vampires you say? Do you remember that I said this before:
“The other person said the same thing, but in a nicer way: he said that in an atheistic society we desire the ability to live forever. He said something else, but this must wait.”
Well here it is, what that man said. He said that we are also obsessed with vampires because they have this longing, this desire for blood and human contact, especially in a sexual way.
This is so beyond denying. It is true! All those pictures of the huge, dark, mysterious looking vampire with a look of desire on his face as he holds a maiden’s neck in an almost loving manner. This was made acceptable because it is restated again and again and again in every vampire story; the thirst for blood is insatiable. It made it ok to want sex, to say that you needed it. It would make it ok if you were a Vampire to tell someone that you needed them.
Oh how easy it would be to be a Vampire! To go hunting and quench your desires, not because you wanted to, but because you HAVE to! It would make it all right again. People have forgotten that they need someone to love and to explore their physical desires with. It is a taboo, a pink elephant in the room that no one wants to admit because it would make them look weak. They wouldn’t have that attitude of apathy that everyone seems to parade.
After much thought, the first woman that talked about how people like vampires because we are becoming more and more atheistic did have an important point. She was wrong in the fact that we like vampires because they are the opposite of God. I don’t think that’s true. What she is right about is that this world has become so atheistic.
There are multiple reasons, and which I can fully understand, and which I have believed since recently. One is that the churches, which are seen as the heart or beginning-and-end-point of religion and furthermore God, have screwed things up so much. They have lied; they have spewed untruths and customs that are meaningless to this age so much, that the majority of people can see through the façade. What might have once started as pure faith has become corrupt and not essential. The second reason is Independence. People have become more and more Independent recently. I think that one reason for this independence is that we have been lied to and tried to be controlled so much by much more powerful, paternal figures, that we cant but see the powerlessness these people/ ideas have on our lives if only we choose not to believe in them.
So what is the natural assumption on religion and belief? It is the belief that the church started faith, and it’s end will be the end of faith. THIS IS SO WRONG. The church has attempted to copyright hope, copyright goodness, and to announce that everything else is Evil. It’s true. They will deny it, but they also state that they don’t discriminate and that they welcome everybody. Ha.
(stay with me now) Life is like the stock market, or a push and pull from one extreme to the other (think democrat vs. republican; especially in this last election), in which when one side becomes too powerful or too common, an immediate reaction occurs. The losing extreme cries out so loudly that they have lost the balance, that other people take up the cause and bring the losing side up so that IT becomes the powerful dictator. Take this idea, and repeat again and again and again.
What I am trying to say here is that people have relied upon the church and other factors such as kings/ leaders, etc, so much that they are sick of it. They want to be independent because they have been slaves for so long to more powerful forces. So many people have risen up and declared that they don’t want to live within the lies of the church. The scandals, the drop in liturgy attendance, etc. They are sick of the doctrine because the doctrine is not essential to belief. It’s just not. Who cares what the God’s name is, who cares if Mary really had more children after Jesus or didn’t? It doesn’t matter in the long run.
So people now have voiced their opinions through action that this doctrine, such as attending church every week, needing to pray, etc., is not essential. They are becoming independent of organized religion, even the idea of theology because they are sick of being slaves to it. I once believed this. I once used to wonder before going to bed if there was a God or not. All the time. It bothered me because I couldn’t find an answer. I would wonder if I believed that a God existed sometimes BECAUSE I wanted one to exist. BECAUSE it feels better when I believe that one exists.
The truth of the fact is that Extremes of anything are ugly. They are not good because both need to exist. Too much candy, scary far right republicans, scary far left democrats, too much fruit, we’ve all been there or seen that. Life isn’t only black and white. The majority of it is gray. Different shades of beautiful, ugly, boring, cream colored, yellowish, reddish, dark, and light grays.
And so one extreme of this Independence is that while the majority of people have denounced religion and doctrine as unneeded in order to be more independent, they have also decided to throw belief, and hope, down the drain with organized religions. This extreme mass body thinks that the two are combined, or rather one in the same.
People want to explore their newfound sexual freedom because it’s been smothered for so long. So what happens to the balance between sex and love? The love is trampled on, overlooked and ignored. People are willing to ignore love so that they can experience the sex that they have been denied.
One extreme, to the other. It’s unhealthy. You can’t have sex without love, and you can’t go far with love without desiring sex. People need to learn that you need both. We are in love with Vampires because they NEED to have sexual-like encounters with their prey (they always go for the pretty girls, not the overweight ones), and we are realizing within ourselves that we need sex too.
But the other extreme, love, has now been trampled. Peter Ian Cummings has noticed this. And I totally agree with him.
Another thing about God is that while there may or may not be a God, there IS hope. There is belief that something or some time that is better will come along. There is some power out there that is balanced, that believes in hope, that is strong, that is weak, that can be beautiful one day, but have a bad hair day the next. I’ve stated on my facebook religious preference status that my religion is people. And this is true. Our lives evolve around each other, and we all need people. We all need that one other person who completes us and makes us feel safe with, accepted by, enjoy time with, whatever floats your boat. I think this love we all seek is the faith that we all need. Its not the need to believe that Jesus was born on Christmas time, or that the Torah is the law of the land. It is that we need each other, because we have power. We can change, we can make hopes and dreams a reality.
So this is what has been splurged inside my head. My laptop is about to die, and I’m not so sure what I said was clear, or what most of I said is needed. Please, if you want to tear this apart, do not give me stupid facts. Facts are great and all, but hope is not based on facts or concrete things. I know that the percentage of people that still go to church is the same as it was 200 years ago. It’s just, those people that don’t, also don’t follow the religious rules as they had before, so this makes this time and age different.
Neil
Read Previous Post First
This post will prove to be incredibly long and probably confusing for most.
So I tried to write this post as fast and as orderly as I could, but like usual my brain was throwing stuff at me three at a time. I hope it makes sense to everyone, but its mostly for me. Probably won’t though.
Its about culture, me finding god/ a power again, and all that splurge of junk. I’m sorry if it offends anyone, but it’s my thoughts.
Here I am riding on the bus to the Macalester two-day swim meet with nothing to do but think the thoughts in my head. This time though, it is a good thing. I positive I’ve needed to think about this stuff for a long time, but the time just wasn’t right.
Last night, as I was studying for my Mass Communications test (these things always seem to sneak up when they’re the most inconvenient. You can always learn new things when under pressure or boredom. This is why I think boredom is so beneficial—as an example, learning to draw so well during all those years of math.) A thought resurfaced from the back of my mind. This was partly because of my frustration of not being able to see the movie Twilight this weekend.
It got me wondering again why there seemed to be so many books, movies, pictures—everything! About Vampires. They seem to be a cultural phenomenon right now. People cant get enough of them, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Underworld the Movie, the Twilight Series, Angel the Television Show, those countless vampire books that never became as famous as Twilight, etc., etc.
So, as with everything that I find interesting, I wanted to know if anyone else had noticed this trend. I typed in vampire obsession (or an equivalent to this) into Google, and lo and behold! It had been noticed. There were pages and pages upon it. I started to read them, and some of them I agreed with, but some of them bothered me.
They all tried to explain why we were obsessed with them, and why creatures that had been seen not a hundred years ago as putrid, lustful demonic shells of humans could possibly become heroes in shows. There was one woman who wrote that we are becoming a godless society, and so we can sympathize with demon creatures because we can understand their lusting for sex and the ability to live eternally without needing salvation. I really didn’t agree with what she said.
The other person said the same thing, but in a nicer way: he said that in an atheistic society we desire the ability to live forever. He said something else, but this must wait, because as the always multi-tasking, always engaging in internal dialogue person that I am, I was looking up another thing on the Internet. I SWEAR I was studying for my test. All three topics at the same time. They were all really important!
So this second thing I was looking up, was because I lately have been missing reading about love. True love. But not just any love, Gay love because it would apply directly to me. This is important because it makes me believe the stories more—something to the effect that I can see myself exist within the stories.
The problem is that there are never enough of them out there. It’s like territory that has never been walked on, or has been charted by inferior mapmakers; a new land that few have the guts to traverse. These maps have become their own locations; unsatisfactory, unauthentic imaginations. These “authors” only talk about sex and how it’s the greatest thing in life. I must admit I don’t have any experience to say how great sex is, but it isn’t the sex that is so great. Just like the maps. The maps are useless if the actual location doesn’t exist. What’s so amazing about sex is the other person there with you, the bonding, and the fact that you both love each other and find each other so irresistible… The map helps make the land easier to understand and makes it better to traverse. The sex helps you understand the person you are (hopefully) getting to know. Again, without the land, the map means nothing. You can get a lot of pleasure looking over a map, but in the end it’s visiting the actual place that makes it unforgettable. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need other people to have sex with. Duh! lol
Worse than having a map and no location to traverse, is a crappy, misdrawn blob that someone assures is the real thing. What can you do with it? Nothing.
Now to what I was looking up. I remembered my favorite gay magazine, XY. I missed it so much, because this magazine had so much potential. I bought a magazine probably a year ago called the Gay Times. There were lots of hot guys, and eventually I read the articles. I tried to pretend that these articles were important, like they mattered, but they didn’t. They were all fluff. It was just like what someone told me about Playboy Magazine: they put articles in there not because anybody reads them, but to pretend like they had depth. These articles were pure, marshmallow peep fluff.
And then I bought the picture edition of XY. The guys in it were so beautiful, and were actually my age. I imagined I felt like my sister Ariell when she used to buy Vogue, and Seventeen Magazine. I could stare at these beautiful faces day in and day out, and Imagine what it would be like to get to know them, to get to hold their hands, maybe whisper sweet nothings in their ears as they playfully smiled back. Some of them almost dared to develop personalities but that’s always when I realized they were just made of paper.
I went back to that Barnes and Noble, looking for another Picture Edition of XY, hoping that a new edition would be there. I found the farmiliar XY symbol and picked it up. I was happy because there was a really cute guy on the front of it, but unhappy because it was half the size, and half of the pages had those damned pointless articles like the Gay Times!
I was frustrated, but I sat down to at least see if the pictures were good enough to buy. They so were. There was this blonde kid, my age, with amazing blue eyes, and lips so full they were heartbreaking. I couldn’t stop looking at him. His features and skin looked to be made of the smoothest marble. Here was another imaginative lover, ready for me to stare at and dream, dream that I could have this; that it would be ok to have.
And then I decided, what the hell, I’ll read one of the articles. I was doubly shocked. It was amazing. The writer was talking about how we, as a culture should stand up for ourselves. Another one talked about how we should start to see ourselves in a positive light, and not treat ourselves like society was treating us. It amazed me. I was so touched by the writing, shivers traveled up and down my whole body.
I immediately bought the magazine, shelling out the $10 dollars and feeling like I had made a bargain. A magazine with beautiful guys, AND substance? Priceless.
So, to see if I could subscribe to the magazine, I went to the website, XY.com. I found that they posted their articles on the website. Score! I found a really long one by the owner of the magazine himself, Peter Ian Cummings. It was called: How The Gay Scene Lost It’s Way. A very gutsy thing to post in a magazine for gay teenagers, I remember thinking.
But his article was the same as his others: beyond amazing. He talked about how the gay culture before the HIV/AIDS breakout was actually a culture worth being a part of. It was a time of being able to learn about ones physical sexuality freely (as long as you knew where to go), but to also search for love, friendship, and a good time. He also talked about how guys used to walk up to another guy they “fancied” and would tell them that they though they were cute. Now, Peter says, everyone is afraid. Everyone has an attitude because they are afraid to show their true selves. Drugs run rampant because it’s so easy to not be yourself when hopped up on alcohol and drugs. People are even afraid to have sex because they are afraid of getting AIDS. I don’t know if this is true or not, but accepting how the culture is today, anything has to be better.
The thing he said that struck me the most was that people were even afraid to tell each other they like each other. Nobody dances with each other because a) you would have to tell someone you like them, and b) slow songs are never played. Its like homosexuality has become acceptable, but love has not. People are too cool for love. Even if two people do go somewhere and have sex, it doesn’t mean anything, it was just a body. They are afraid, afraid to show their feelings, afraid to show that need that ALL humans have of needing someone else to love. To either feel safe with someone, accepted by someone, enjoy time with someone, whatever floats your boat.
What does this have to do with Vampires you say? Do you remember that I said this before:
“The other person said the same thing, but in a nicer way: he said that in an atheistic society we desire the ability to live forever. He said something else, but this must wait.”
Well here it is, what that man said. He said that we are also obsessed with vampires because they have this longing, this desire for blood and human contact, especially in a sexual way.
This is so beyond denying. It is true! All those pictures of the huge, dark, mysterious looking vampire with a look of desire on his face as he holds a maiden’s neck in an almost loving manner. This was made acceptable because it is restated again and again and again in every vampire story; the thirst for blood is insatiable. It made it ok to want sex, to say that you needed it. It would make it ok if you were a Vampire to tell someone that you needed them.
Oh how easy it would be to be a Vampire! To go hunting and quench your desires, not because you wanted to, but because you HAVE to! It would make it all right again. People have forgotten that they need someone to love and to explore their physical desires with. It is a taboo, a pink elephant in the room that no one wants to admit because it would make them look weak. They wouldn’t have that attitude of apathy that everyone seems to parade.
After much thought, the first woman that talked about how people like vampires because we are becoming more and more atheistic did have an important point. She was wrong in the fact that we like vampires because they are the opposite of God. I don’t think that’s true. What she is right about is that this world has become so atheistic.
There are multiple reasons, and which I can fully understand, and which I have believed since recently. One is that the churches, which are seen as the heart or beginning-and-end-point of religion and furthermore God, have screwed things up so much. They have lied; they have spewed untruths and customs that are meaningless to this age so much, that the majority of people can see through the façade. What might have once started as pure faith has become corrupt and not essential. The second reason is Independence. People have become more and more Independent recently. I think that one reason for this independence is that we have been lied to and tried to be controlled so much by much more powerful, paternal figures, that we cant but see the powerlessness these people/ ideas have on our lives if only we choose not to believe in them.
So what is the natural assumption on religion and belief? It is the belief that the church started faith, and it’s end will be the end of faith. THIS IS SO WRONG. The church has attempted to copyright hope, copyright goodness, and to announce that everything else is Evil. It’s true. They will deny it, but they also state that they don’t discriminate and that they welcome everybody. Ha.
(stay with me now) Life is like the stock market, or a push and pull from one extreme to the other (think democrat vs. republican; especially in this last election), in which when one side becomes too powerful or too common, an immediate reaction occurs. The losing extreme cries out so loudly that they have lost the balance, that other people take up the cause and bring the losing side up so that IT becomes the powerful dictator. Take this idea, and repeat again and again and again.
What I am trying to say here is that people have relied upon the church and other factors such as kings/ leaders, etc, so much that they are sick of it. They want to be independent because they have been slaves for so long to more powerful forces. So many people have risen up and declared that they don’t want to live within the lies of the church. The scandals, the drop in liturgy attendance, etc. They are sick of the doctrine because the doctrine is not essential to belief. It’s just not. Who cares what the God’s name is, who cares if Mary really had more children after Jesus or didn’t? It doesn’t matter in the long run.
So people now have voiced their opinions through action that this doctrine, such as attending church every week, needing to pray, etc., is not essential. They are becoming independent of organized religion, even the idea of theology because they are sick of being slaves to it. I once believed this. I once used to wonder before going to bed if there was a God or not. All the time. It bothered me because I couldn’t find an answer. I would wonder if I believed that a God existed sometimes BECAUSE I wanted one to exist. BECAUSE it feels better when I believe that one exists.
The truth of the fact is that Extremes of anything are ugly. They are not good because both need to exist. Too much candy, scary far right republicans, scary far left democrats, too much fruit, we’ve all been there or seen that. Life isn’t only black and white. The majority of it is gray. Different shades of beautiful, ugly, boring, cream colored, yellowish, reddish, dark, and light grays.
And so one extreme of this Independence is that while the majority of people have denounced religion and doctrine as unneeded in order to be more independent, they have also decided to throw belief, and hope, down the drain with organized religions. This extreme mass body thinks that the two are combined, or rather one in the same.
People want to explore their newfound sexual freedom because it’s been smothered for so long. So what happens to the balance between sex and love? The love is trampled on, overlooked and ignored. People are willing to ignore love so that they can experience the sex that they have been denied.
One extreme, to the other. It’s unhealthy. You can’t have sex without love, and you can’t go far with love without desiring sex. People need to learn that you need both. We are in love with Vampires because they NEED to have sexual-like encounters with their prey (they always go for the pretty girls, not the overweight ones), and we are realizing within ourselves that we need sex too.
But the other extreme, love, has now been trampled. Peter Ian Cummings has noticed this. And I totally agree with him.
Another thing about God is that while there may or may not be a God, there IS hope. There is belief that something or some time that is better will come along. There is some power out there that is balanced, that believes in hope, that is strong, that is weak, that can be beautiful one day, but have a bad hair day the next. I’ve stated on my facebook religious preference status that my religion is people. And this is true. Our lives evolve around each other, and we all need people. We all need that one other person who completes us and makes us feel safe with, accepted by, enjoy time with, whatever floats your boat. I think this love we all seek is the faith that we all need. Its not the need to believe that Jesus was born on Christmas time, or that the Torah is the law of the land. It is that we need each other, because we have power. We can change, we can make hopes and dreams a reality.
So this is what has been splurged inside my head. My laptop is about to die, and I’m not so sure what I said was clear, or what most of I said is needed. Please, if you want to tear this apart, do not give me stupid facts. Facts are great and all, but hope is not based on facts or concrete things. I know that the percentage of people that still go to church is the same as it was 200 years ago. It’s just, those people that don’t, also don’t follow the religious rules as they had before, so this makes this time and age different.
Neil
2 Swim Meets in 2 Days
This weekendwas amazing. Friday we left at 2 pm, and drove all the way to St. Paul. We had a dual meet against Macalester college. It recently just built its Gym complex and it was amazing!!!! They had an actual pool instead of a bathtub! I was able to warm down and warm up :D:D:D
On the way to St. Paul tho, I felt motivated to write a long journal entry based on something I figured out the night before. It was very fun to write on the bus ride up, with amazing scenery, and the heat marks on the windows looked like clouds so I pretended they were....made the scenery even cooler looking.
I did really well, getting a 2:02 in the 200 free, 1:07 (getting up there again!) in the 100 Breast, but I did bad in the 200 IM because my goggles filled up with water :(
We went to the hotel, and coach let us in his hotel room, where there were about 20 extra large pizzas. YAHOOOO! I had 5 pieces of absolute goodness.
Jarod didn't come to this meet because of the Nutcracker. I swear that show takes over peoples' lives!
Anyways, I was surprised to find that I was put in a room with the other two diver guys. It makes sense I guess, since theyre both freshman. I guess its a good thing Jarod didn't come because I would have had to share a bed with him. Probably worse than that time with Matt, was that I was sharing a bed with Paul B (different from Paul L) because He is absolutely gorgeous. Six pack abs and everything. A very feline-lion looking face that I've never seen on anyone else. Nothing happened, but I did scoot my back over against his back when he fell asleep. I take it as my reimbursement for not being a manwhore. I've got to live for something, right?
When I woke up, I looked out the window and it had snowed outside! Everyone knew I was excited and it was awesome! I made snowballs every chance I could.
The second day was bad. We all were sore and tired, and I dont even want to mention my times. I did do 200 breast though, and It wasn't too painful. I did gett 2:14 om my 200 IM, which isn't my best but its getting there.
We went to Arby's and that fast food place isn't half bad! Really good subs. On the way back, I wrote some more on the post that I am going to post next. It's really long! About six pages in Word.
Neil
On the way to St. Paul tho, I felt motivated to write a long journal entry based on something I figured out the night before. It was very fun to write on the bus ride up, with amazing scenery, and the heat marks on the windows looked like clouds so I pretended they were....made the scenery even cooler looking.
I did really well, getting a 2:02 in the 200 free, 1:07 (getting up there again!) in the 100 Breast, but I did bad in the 200 IM because my goggles filled up with water :(
We went to the hotel, and coach let us in his hotel room, where there were about 20 extra large pizzas. YAHOOOO! I had 5 pieces of absolute goodness.
Jarod didn't come to this meet because of the Nutcracker. I swear that show takes over peoples' lives!
Anyways, I was surprised to find that I was put in a room with the other two diver guys. It makes sense I guess, since theyre both freshman. I guess its a good thing Jarod didn't come because I would have had to share a bed with him. Probably worse than that time with Matt, was that I was sharing a bed with Paul B (different from Paul L) because He is absolutely gorgeous. Six pack abs and everything. A very feline-lion looking face that I've never seen on anyone else. Nothing happened, but I did scoot my back over against his back when he fell asleep. I take it as my reimbursement for not being a manwhore. I've got to live for something, right?
When I woke up, I looked out the window and it had snowed outside! Everyone knew I was excited and it was awesome! I made snowballs every chance I could.
The second day was bad. We all were sore and tired, and I dont even want to mention my times. I did do 200 breast though, and It wasn't too painful. I did gett 2:14 om my 200 IM, which isn't my best but its getting there.
We went to Arby's and that fast food place isn't half bad! Really good subs. On the way back, I wrote some more on the post that I am going to post next. It's really long! About six pages in Word.
Neil
Monday, November 17, 2008
Dancing, Classes, and Swimming
On Friday I went with Annie and Gia to Winona's first nightclub, MYST! It was crowded waiting in line (since it was opening night, it was free), but when we got inside whew was it hot! I had had a rough day and the mindset I had going in was to just dance the night away and don't care what anybody thinks. It actually worked!.....well, until I saw Jarod there too. Why do I always run into people when I don't want to? lmao.
He left, but not without looking amazing the whole time. Anyways, a guy asked Annie to dance and she went off with him (more like we got lost in the crowd.) I must say I think I am getting better at this whole dancing thing. Probably 90% of it is not caring what anyone thinks. Poor Gia though! She is 5 feet tall, and I had to rescue her about ten times from people accidentally crushing her! I mentioned it was crowded, right?
It was so hot in there that everyone was sweating. Talk about really nasty when some girl needs to get past you and her sweat covered back slides all the way past your arm. Ick.
I then saw what I wasn't expecting: two guys dancing together. Wow. And nobody cared! I kept looking at them because It was such a rare sight. But then they started dancing much worse than the bad couples who were grinding on the floor. They were pretty much having sex, but with clothes on. Yea imagine that.
We then moved around and chose different places to dance depending on space, etc. They had those cages for girls to dance in, and they also had stripper poles. hmmmmmm.
Later, I was dancing with Gia again, and all of a sudden one of the gay guys was right in front of me. And all of a sudden he brushed his back up against me and we were dancing. Don't ask me how this happened because I'm not so sure myself. This lasted for about a minute until he either got tired of not practically having sex on the dance floor with his other friend, or because his partner was finally back and staring at him. He ditched me and went back to his sex buddy, but hey, at least I had the opportunity to say that I danced with someone. Later Gia also found a guy and danced with him for one dance.
We found Annie again, and went to HyVee to get something to drink. Yay for SoBe! It was all so much fun and so worth it.
Afterwards I started to think it over, like that guy dancing with me and ditching me, what did it mean, etc, but I made myself stop because I had fun and I didn't want to ruin the moment with worrying thoughts.
Sunday We had Showcase (Ballroom Dancing.) Of course Jarod was there. And like usual, if someone I have a crush on is present, thats pretty much all I can think about. He brought Pineapple for everyone and it was so good! Everyone keeps telling me that there is no doubt that he is gay. He ignored me all night. So I mentally crossed him off my list.
In art class on Monday, Whenever I tried to sneak a peek at him, I already found his gorgeous brown eyes staring back at me. WHY WHY cant people just either ignore me or pay attention to me, and not both? Now I am confused again. I wish I could turn this part of my brain off because A) I am sick of writing about this stuff and B) you guys are probably sick of reading about it.
This is our first Two-A- Days. We had morning practice, and it was so hard my brain, out of nowhere, started singing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Such an amazing song. So spend some time listening to it! (does anyone else think she has similar Mannerisms to Kona?[look at 1:28-1:40])
He left, but not without looking amazing the whole time. Anyways, a guy asked Annie to dance and she went off with him (more like we got lost in the crowd.) I must say I think I am getting better at this whole dancing thing. Probably 90% of it is not caring what anyone thinks. Poor Gia though! She is 5 feet tall, and I had to rescue her about ten times from people accidentally crushing her! I mentioned it was crowded, right?
It was so hot in there that everyone was sweating. Talk about really nasty when some girl needs to get past you and her sweat covered back slides all the way past your arm. Ick.
I then saw what I wasn't expecting: two guys dancing together. Wow. And nobody cared! I kept looking at them because It was such a rare sight. But then they started dancing much worse than the bad couples who were grinding on the floor. They were pretty much having sex, but with clothes on. Yea imagine that.
We then moved around and chose different places to dance depending on space, etc. They had those cages for girls to dance in, and they also had stripper poles. hmmmmmm.
Later, I was dancing with Gia again, and all of a sudden one of the gay guys was right in front of me. And all of a sudden he brushed his back up against me and we were dancing. Don't ask me how this happened because I'm not so sure myself. This lasted for about a minute until he either got tired of not practically having sex on the dance floor with his other friend, or because his partner was finally back and staring at him. He ditched me and went back to his sex buddy, but hey, at least I had the opportunity to say that I danced with someone. Later Gia also found a guy and danced with him for one dance.
We found Annie again, and went to HyVee to get something to drink. Yay for SoBe! It was all so much fun and so worth it.
Afterwards I started to think it over, like that guy dancing with me and ditching me, what did it mean, etc, but I made myself stop because I had fun and I didn't want to ruin the moment with worrying thoughts.
Sunday We had Showcase (Ballroom Dancing.) Of course Jarod was there. And like usual, if someone I have a crush on is present, thats pretty much all I can think about. He brought Pineapple for everyone and it was so good! Everyone keeps telling me that there is no doubt that he is gay. He ignored me all night. So I mentally crossed him off my list.
In art class on Monday, Whenever I tried to sneak a peek at him, I already found his gorgeous brown eyes staring back at me. WHY WHY cant people just either ignore me or pay attention to me, and not both? Now I am confused again. I wish I could turn this part of my brain off because A) I am sick of writing about this stuff and B) you guys are probably sick of reading about it.
This is our first Two-A- Days. We had morning practice, and it was so hard my brain, out of nowhere, started singing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Such an amazing song. So spend some time listening to it! (does anyone else think she has similar Mannerisms to Kona?[look at 1:28-1:40])
Friday, November 14, 2008
Quickie
1. Mandi!
2.Robby's Bday
3. Art
4. Congo
wow. So much has gone on that I have forgotten what days it happened on. So here goes.
1. Mandi!
I had a facebook chat with Mandi and she is amazing!!! She's all grown up too! its scary and fun at the same time knowing that this little girl I knew now knows about the same in this world that I do. That her innocence has been crushed by time (this is not figurative people, no hidden context.) and she can now be a better cousin, one who we don't have to shelter topics/words/etc from. Yay Mandi! I could even feel her personality coming out of the screen.
2.Robby's Bday
It was Robby's birthday. I bought him some Butterfingers candy bars since those are his favorite. We played a board game in the lounge, and his friend Feather (Feather, David Feather) bought him a whole cake. It was so damn good! Im actually getting some out of the fridge right now.
3. Art.
Wow. I got back this project (picture below) and it said 100% on it. When he gave me it he said he's never given out a 100% before and that I should be very proud of my work. Take that! ha! :D:D:D:D:D When scanning the picture in, I accidentally chopped part of the right side off. Just know there should be more greenvto the right and that paper object should be farther away from the border.
I don't know if you remember what it is, but its one of those "Fortune Teller" Oragami contraptions. Like this:
http://www.tappi.org/paperu/images/Seven.jpg
Also, we've been doing a lot of projects with painting....and so I've been using the paint a lot. What is the result? my favorite shirt has purple paint on it, my favorite jeans have red paint on them, my macbook has a slight tint of grass colored green, and the bathroom floor has blood red paint splattered on the floor. I bet some people think someone had a fight in there. Wonderful :)
4. Congo.
An interesting thing that happened today was I had breakfast with the foreign exchange student from the Congo (I usually have breakfast with Robby, but he's at a Track meet). Yes, as in Africa. He is really cool to talk to, but its frustrating sometimes since he just learned the language. I was talking about how my brother is also in college. He asked how old my brother is and I told him that we were twins and that he was in Boston. I don't think he knew what Boston was, because his eyes got all big and he said "ohhh that answers a lot of questions."
"Hmm? What do you mean?"
"One day I said hello to you and you recognized me. The next day I also said Hi and you didn't know who I was. I think it was your twin"
"No,no, my twin doesn't go here. He goes to another college."
"Oh. Then who do you eat breakfast with every morning that looks like you?"
"That's Robby, my roommate."
"You two look exactly like eachother."
Hahaha gotta love it. I have to agree with him I guess. We kind of have the same hair and the same build...And I guess we all look the same to him anyways, as they kind of do to us.
Anyways, off to my advisor meeting because I get to choose my classes soon! I have so much to catch up with on here, so just wait!
2.Robby's Bday
3. Art
4. Congo
wow. So much has gone on that I have forgotten what days it happened on. So here goes.
1. Mandi!
I had a facebook chat with Mandi and she is amazing!!! She's all grown up too! its scary and fun at the same time knowing that this little girl I knew now knows about the same in this world that I do. That her innocence has been crushed by time (this is not figurative people, no hidden context.) and she can now be a better cousin, one who we don't have to shelter topics/words/etc from. Yay Mandi! I could even feel her personality coming out of the screen.
2.Robby's Bday
It was Robby's birthday. I bought him some Butterfingers candy bars since those are his favorite. We played a board game in the lounge, and his friend Feather (Feather, David Feather) bought him a whole cake. It was so damn good! Im actually getting some out of the fridge right now.
3. Art.
Wow. I got back this project (picture below) and it said 100% on it. When he gave me it he said he's never given out a 100% before and that I should be very proud of my work. Take that! ha! :D:D:D:D:D When scanning the picture in, I accidentally chopped part of the right side off. Just know there should be more greenvto the right and that paper object should be farther away from the border.
I don't know if you remember what it is, but its one of those "Fortune Teller" Oragami contraptions. Like this:
http://www.tappi.org/paperu/images/Seven.jpg
Also, we've been doing a lot of projects with painting....and so I've been using the paint a lot. What is the result? my favorite shirt has purple paint on it, my favorite jeans have red paint on them, my macbook has a slight tint of grass colored green, and the bathroom floor has blood red paint splattered on the floor. I bet some people think someone had a fight in there. Wonderful :)
4. Congo.
An interesting thing that happened today was I had breakfast with the foreign exchange student from the Congo (I usually have breakfast with Robby, but he's at a Track meet). Yes, as in Africa. He is really cool to talk to, but its frustrating sometimes since he just learned the language. I was talking about how my brother is also in college. He asked how old my brother is and I told him that we were twins and that he was in Boston. I don't think he knew what Boston was, because his eyes got all big and he said "ohhh that answers a lot of questions."
"Hmm? What do you mean?"
"One day I said hello to you and you recognized me. The next day I also said Hi and you didn't know who I was. I think it was your twin"
"No,no, my twin doesn't go here. He goes to another college."
"Oh. Then who do you eat breakfast with every morning that looks like you?"
"That's Robby, my roommate."
"You two look exactly like eachother."
Hahaha gotta love it. I have to agree with him I guess. We kind of have the same hair and the same build...And I guess we all look the same to him anyways, as they kind of do to us.
Anyways, off to my advisor meeting because I get to choose my classes soon! I have so much to catch up with on here, so just wait!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Thunder
(Haiku)
______________I feel my heart beat______________
__________within the thunder-pounding__________
_______________of a Horse’s hooves_____________
(bonus points if you can tell me what people discovered about horses through this picture, all you art history fans :D)
______________I feel my heart beat______________
__________within the thunder-pounding__________
_______________of a Horse’s hooves_____________
(bonus points if you can tell me what people discovered about horses through this picture, all you art history fans :D)
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Funniest Bad Day Ever
Friday I spent the night with the girl's swim team and I am so glad that I did. I hadn't really known any of them, and getting to do so was really cool. We watched Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights. It was definitely just as good the second time as the first. I went to bed, because we had to be on the bus at 9:30.
Now on to Saturday, the day it was obviously my turn for a bad day. The Highlights of this day are in bold
I woke up at 9:36. Crap. I freaked out, and started throwing all my shit together. All of a sudden, the old, ancient, decrepit phone for our room started ringing. I picked it up but I knew the person calling wouldn't be able to hear me. I can here them but they can't hear me (I said it was old!)
Then my cell phone started vibrating. There was my problem. I had forgotten to take it off vibrate! Everyone started calling me at the same time!
I ran to the bus. It was only after we were driving that I realized I forgot my swimsuit and goggles in my locker at the pool...
Aaron (who hurt his shoulder) let me borrow his brand new size 30 Jammers. I also broke my headphones Ariell bought me for my birthday :(
We got to the pool and Angela gave me her backup goggles. They looked like goggles a third grade swimmer would have. awesome. I put them on and nearly had a stroke. They were so blue! Everything around me turned blue so that my suit actually looked white in parts....
We Got in the warm up pool and I noticed that the blue made the tiles in the pool and in the whole aquatic center look white. Add a bunch of synthetic lighting... and you get something that looks like a testing lab. I really felt like a lab rat. They had that underground viewing place in which people can plaster their faces and watch you swim from underneath you. Very creepy.
The Divers went first, and as this was their first meet, they did terrible. It really made me nervous. All that messing up, all those belly flops and back flops...*shudders* some people actually started bleeding.
The Judging was so harsh too. So many 1s. I'd just as happily stick to swimming after that thanks.
I got really nervous after that. Yay for finding a hiding place in the locker room and spending 10 minutes listening to music just to calm myself down. This is the second time in a row. Hopefully I'm not developing anxiety problems (Writing this blog is seriously making me doubt my sanity....)
I swam the 200 IM and did a 2:16. Terrible. I could do way better than that. I felt super bad about letting Lindquist down. Also, I hate it when people congratulate you when you do a bad job. They shouldn't. Then I had the 100 Free, and did a 55. Not too shabby I have to say. Then, on the 100 Breast he said take your marks, and we all did, but then he said stand and I fell in the pool!!!
It was at this point that I started to laugh at myself. This day couldn't get any weirder/ worse. Well it did. The suit Aaron let me borrow was way too tight and I could hardly do breastroke in them! I did do a 1:09, so all wasn't in vain.
We went to Tim's house for dinner and it was AMAZING!!! I love home cooked food. Spaghetti and Meat Balls, Lasagna, Garlic Bread, ohhh man! I don't know if I love carbs or meat more.
Heading back to the bus was cool because it started snowing (I am getting used to the cold!) this weird looking snow. It didnt clump together but stayed in beads (not Hail), kind of like Dip N Dots Ice Cream. Molly hit me in the face with some, but I missed her. Next time... hehehe
Back home, Coach asked us all to carry stuff back to his office. I picked up a box full of apples and pears, and started walking towards his office. The bottom of the box gave out and apples and pears sought out freedom all over the road. Wonderful.
After this, I started to head to my dorm. Someone was at the door, and so I was able to get in without my keys. My Keys! I had left my keys in my room when I rushed out the door this morning. On the way there this girl I had never met before started talking to me as if she knew me. On a normal day I would have had a conversation with her but I think she was drunk so I kindly excused myself and called Robby. He was bowling with the cross country team. I felt that he had been so nice to me lately that I didn't beg him to come let me in, but Tom the RA let me in without charging me. Bless his heart.
You'd think that would be it. I should have gone to bed when I still had the chance. Somehow I was so tired, I couldn't sleep. So I went on AIM and Facebook, and started to write this post. I was talking to Jon and all of a sudden this foreign screenname messages me. I say
"hey who is this?"
"Who is this?"is the reply. Um. wtf? If you message me you should tell me who YOU are. I ask him how he got my screenname and he said he didn't remember...
can you say suspicious?
He asks me where I am, and I say you tell me first. He says the town that I am in. Well well. A local. I ask his name and he tells me Brian Robinson. I look him up on facebook and sure enough he goes to the local public college. It says his interests are Tennis, traveling, and Alcohol. Seriously? Whoever has Alcohol on their top three interests has some issues.
And while I am still mystified as to how he got my Screenname, I totally guessed why he wanted to talk to me. "I'm Bi" he said. "You look pretty cute from your AIM picture" he said. "Are u horny? If its ok to ask" he said.
So now I'm a booty-call? I don't think so! I told him it wasn't ok and that I had to go. I think he was drunk too. Wonderful. With this new creeper addition and Bryan, I definitely feel like I deserve better than this. I KNOW I do. It's just a matter of sifting through all the dirtwads.
I found out through Facebook that Mikey knows this Brian weirdo, so I am going to ask him about him. I just wanted to post this info up because it fits with the theme and just in case I go missing, it was probably this weirdo. This part of my day isn't as funny. Heres the LGBT community that you wanted me to get to know better mom...
So now I am going to go to bed before anything else happens and hope that tomorrow brings a better day.
Love,
Neil
Now on to Saturday, the day it was obviously my turn for a bad day. The Highlights of this day are in bold
I woke up at 9:36. Crap. I freaked out, and started throwing all my shit together. All of a sudden, the old, ancient, decrepit phone for our room started ringing. I picked it up but I knew the person calling wouldn't be able to hear me. I can here them but they can't hear me (I said it was old!)
Then my cell phone started vibrating. There was my problem. I had forgotten to take it off vibrate! Everyone started calling me at the same time!
I ran to the bus. It was only after we were driving that I realized I forgot my swimsuit and goggles in my locker at the pool...
Aaron (who hurt his shoulder) let me borrow his brand new size 30 Jammers. I also broke my headphones Ariell bought me for my birthday :(
We got to the pool and Angela gave me her backup goggles. They looked like goggles a third grade swimmer would have. awesome. I put them on and nearly had a stroke. They were so blue! Everything around me turned blue so that my suit actually looked white in parts....
We Got in the warm up pool and I noticed that the blue made the tiles in the pool and in the whole aquatic center look white. Add a bunch of synthetic lighting... and you get something that looks like a testing lab. I really felt like a lab rat. They had that underground viewing place in which people can plaster their faces and watch you swim from underneath you. Very creepy.
The Divers went first, and as this was their first meet, they did terrible. It really made me nervous. All that messing up, all those belly flops and back flops...*shudders* some people actually started bleeding.
The Judging was so harsh too. So many 1s. I'd just as happily stick to swimming after that thanks.
I got really nervous after that. Yay for finding a hiding place in the locker room and spending 10 minutes listening to music just to calm myself down. This is the second time in a row. Hopefully I'm not developing anxiety problems (Writing this blog is seriously making me doubt my sanity....)
I swam the 200 IM and did a 2:16. Terrible. I could do way better than that. I felt super bad about letting Lindquist down. Also, I hate it when people congratulate you when you do a bad job. They shouldn't. Then I had the 100 Free, and did a 55. Not too shabby I have to say. Then, on the 100 Breast he said take your marks, and we all did, but then he said stand and I fell in the pool!!!
It was at this point that I started to laugh at myself. This day couldn't get any weirder/ worse. Well it did. The suit Aaron let me borrow was way too tight and I could hardly do breastroke in them! I did do a 1:09, so all wasn't in vain.
We went to Tim's house for dinner and it was AMAZING!!! I love home cooked food. Spaghetti and Meat Balls, Lasagna, Garlic Bread, ohhh man! I don't know if I love carbs or meat more.
Heading back to the bus was cool because it started snowing (I am getting used to the cold!) this weird looking snow. It didnt clump together but stayed in beads (not Hail), kind of like Dip N Dots Ice Cream. Molly hit me in the face with some, but I missed her. Next time... hehehe
Back home, Coach asked us all to carry stuff back to his office. I picked up a box full of apples and pears, and started walking towards his office. The bottom of the box gave out and apples and pears sought out freedom all over the road. Wonderful.
After this, I started to head to my dorm. Someone was at the door, and so I was able to get in without my keys. My Keys! I had left my keys in my room when I rushed out the door this morning. On the way there this girl I had never met before started talking to me as if she knew me. On a normal day I would have had a conversation with her but I think she was drunk so I kindly excused myself and called Robby. He was bowling with the cross country team. I felt that he had been so nice to me lately that I didn't beg him to come let me in, but Tom the RA let me in without charging me. Bless his heart.
You'd think that would be it. I should have gone to bed when I still had the chance. Somehow I was so tired, I couldn't sleep. So I went on AIM and Facebook, and started to write this post. I was talking to Jon and all of a sudden this foreign screenname messages me. I say
"hey who is this?"
"Who is this?"is the reply. Um. wtf? If you message me you should tell me who YOU are. I ask him how he got my screenname and he said he didn't remember...
can you say suspicious?
He asks me where I am, and I say you tell me first. He says the town that I am in. Well well. A local. I ask his name and he tells me Brian Robinson. I look him up on facebook and sure enough he goes to the local public college. It says his interests are Tennis, traveling, and Alcohol. Seriously? Whoever has Alcohol on their top three interests has some issues.
And while I am still mystified as to how he got my Screenname, I totally guessed why he wanted to talk to me. "I'm Bi" he said. "You look pretty cute from your AIM picture" he said. "Are u horny? If its ok to ask" he said.
So now I'm a booty-call? I don't think so! I told him it wasn't ok and that I had to go. I think he was drunk too. Wonderful. With this new creeper addition and Bryan, I definitely feel like I deserve better than this. I KNOW I do. It's just a matter of sifting through all the dirtwads.
I found out through Facebook that Mikey knows this Brian weirdo, so I am going to ask him about him. I just wanted to post this info up because it fits with the theme and just in case I go missing, it was probably this weirdo. This part of my day isn't as funny. Heres the LGBT community that you wanted me to get to know better mom...
So now I am going to go to bed before anything else happens and hope that tomorrow brings a better day.
Love,
Neil
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Change of All Kinds
1. Presidency
2. Prop 8
3. Room Change
4. The Moper
5. Thunderstorm
6. Hairstyle
7. 24 Hour Relay
1. Presidency
um, YAY! Go Obama!
But seriously, almost everyone knew this was going to happen. Hopefully Obama can stick to his plan (and fill in the very vague ones too!) Everyone seems to want to see him succeed, and and least he has that going for him.
2. Prop 8
Sigh. Somehow I knew it was too good to be true. I guess there's always massachusetts to go to (move over Ian!) If said person actually exists...
Anyways I'm really disappointed in California right now. I thought our state was better than this. I mean, if it can't happen in California, it really can't happen anywhere. California is like the bad ass uncle that everyone thinks is cool and totally respects. What happens when the bad ass is too afraid to make a stand? Everyone else goes soft too. (I know ur gonna hate that analogy Ariell, but I think its a good one.)
3. Room Change
The other day I was thinking that I was getting tired of my room. The next day, Robby asked me If we wanted to rearrange the room and how. Sweet! We dragged Annie and David to help us to move the furniture.
The furniture isn't that heavy, but in a room so small, it still is difficult. Now, we have even more space than before! The bed is pushed all the way up to the wall (yes it actually fit, and now it probably will never come out!), and the futon is directly in front of it. The great part is, I can unfold the Futon, and it is way more comfortable than my bed.
4. The Moper
This is it. The last post about Bryan Moore, aka The Moper. I really am done. I had a conversation with him via facebook, and I realized all he was doing was whining and complaining about being down here in Winona. I tried to cheer him up in the best way I know, and all he did was tell me to shut up. All I did was tell him (so,so nicely) to try and see being down here as a good thing, or at least try to do things that could make him happier. I told him I wanted to be his friend and I wanted to help him, but he had to help me help him. He told me he didn't want my help so goooooooodbye! That is totally where I draw the line, and so I called him a Moper and thats the end of it. Its a good thing he hardly comes out of his room anymore because I won't have to see him (he dropped out of ballroom dancing.) He'll probably just be sitting in his room complaining about wanting to transfer some more.
Booyah!
5. Thunderstorm
Despite the negative stuff that happened today, I am insanely happy! Why? Because for one, I woke up feeling completely rested and peaceful. Finally. Haven't had that in a while. What woke me up was a huge booming. It was a thunderstorm and it was raining outside! I saw huge flashes of lightning, and the Thunder was actually scary! It is so much louder than the thunder I've heard before. I didn't want to go outside. Thankfully it stopped inbetween all my classes.
6. Hairstyle
Right now I am trying out a new hairstyle. The old one just doesn't work anymore because my hair is too long. It surprisingly looks good, but of course it takes a lot more work right now and I want so bad to just return to the old method. We will have to see which prevails, but I definitely need to get a haircut.
7. 24 Hour Relay
I have two slots (like everyone else,) 5-7 AM and 7-9 AM. They were the only two that could fit into my schedule for Thursday. So woopeee. Here we go with two thirty minute nonstop swims (anyone else noticing thirty minute patterns here?ugh)
It starts tonite!
Love to Everyone!
Neil
2. Prop 8
3. Room Change
4. The Moper
5. Thunderstorm
6. Hairstyle
7. 24 Hour Relay
1. Presidency
um, YAY! Go Obama!
But seriously, almost everyone knew this was going to happen. Hopefully Obama can stick to his plan (and fill in the very vague ones too!) Everyone seems to want to see him succeed, and and least he has that going for him.
2. Prop 8
Sigh. Somehow I knew it was too good to be true. I guess there's always massachusetts to go to (move over Ian!) If said person actually exists...
Anyways I'm really disappointed in California right now. I thought our state was better than this. I mean, if it can't happen in California, it really can't happen anywhere. California is like the bad ass uncle that everyone thinks is cool and totally respects. What happens when the bad ass is too afraid to make a stand? Everyone else goes soft too. (I know ur gonna hate that analogy Ariell, but I think its a good one.)
3. Room Change
The other day I was thinking that I was getting tired of my room. The next day, Robby asked me If we wanted to rearrange the room and how. Sweet! We dragged Annie and David to help us to move the furniture.
The furniture isn't that heavy, but in a room so small, it still is difficult. Now, we have even more space than before! The bed is pushed all the way up to the wall (yes it actually fit, and now it probably will never come out!), and the futon is directly in front of it. The great part is, I can unfold the Futon, and it is way more comfortable than my bed.
4. The Moper
This is it. The last post about Bryan Moore, aka The Moper. I really am done. I had a conversation with him via facebook, and I realized all he was doing was whining and complaining about being down here in Winona. I tried to cheer him up in the best way I know, and all he did was tell me to shut up. All I did was tell him (so,so nicely) to try and see being down here as a good thing, or at least try to do things that could make him happier. I told him I wanted to be his friend and I wanted to help him, but he had to help me help him. He told me he didn't want my help so goooooooodbye! That is totally where I draw the line, and so I called him a Moper and thats the end of it. Its a good thing he hardly comes out of his room anymore because I won't have to see him (he dropped out of ballroom dancing.) He'll probably just be sitting in his room complaining about wanting to transfer some more.
Booyah!
5. Thunderstorm
Despite the negative stuff that happened today, I am insanely happy! Why? Because for one, I woke up feeling completely rested and peaceful. Finally. Haven't had that in a while. What woke me up was a huge booming. It was a thunderstorm and it was raining outside! I saw huge flashes of lightning, and the Thunder was actually scary! It is so much louder than the thunder I've heard before. I didn't want to go outside. Thankfully it stopped inbetween all my classes.
6. Hairstyle
Right now I am trying out a new hairstyle. The old one just doesn't work anymore because my hair is too long. It surprisingly looks good, but of course it takes a lot more work right now and I want so bad to just return to the old method. We will have to see which prevails, but I definitely need to get a haircut.
7. 24 Hour Relay
I have two slots (like everyone else,) 5-7 AM and 7-9 AM. They were the only two that could fit into my schedule for Thursday. So woopeee. Here we go with two thirty minute nonstop swims (anyone else noticing thirty minute patterns here?ugh)
It starts tonite!
Love to Everyone!
Neil
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Deja Vu?
Ok so I know this is a pretty insignificant post but it freaked the hell out of me.
We all know what deja vu is, and I'm sure most of us have had it from time to time. But what just happened to me was pretty dang ass creepy. It was the opposite of Deja Vu. The only thing I can think to call it is precognition...
Now before you call the people in the white coats and have them take me away, it was nothing spectacular. I had just had a great dinner (they know how to make tater tots that are toasted meemsy!) with all of my friends. I ate the fastest, and some more art homework was waiting for me (I swear I get more homework in that class than any other.)
I started walking down the stairs, and out of nowhere Bryan Moore popped into my head again. I thought this was over with, but apparently I was wrong. I had a thought of him walking up the stairs and me walking down them. I said hi to him and he said hi back, and then I kept walking.
Then I ACTUALLY saw him walking up the stairs and I was walking down them. I could think of nothing else but to say hi to him and he said hi back, and then I kept walking.
HOLY CRAP!!!! My heart had paused in my throat from my brain thinking "no freaking way!" The adrenaline pumped in me and I wanted to call Emily and tell her but she didn't pick up so here I am writing about it. For some reason I want to go dance in the rain now or something totally crazy like that.
What does it mean?!?!?!
We all know what deja vu is, and I'm sure most of us have had it from time to time. But what just happened to me was pretty dang ass creepy. It was the opposite of Deja Vu. The only thing I can think to call it is precognition...
Now before you call the people in the white coats and have them take me away, it was nothing spectacular. I had just had a great dinner (they know how to make tater tots that are toasted meemsy!) with all of my friends. I ate the fastest, and some more art homework was waiting for me (I swear I get more homework in that class than any other.)
I started walking down the stairs, and out of nowhere Bryan Moore popped into my head again. I thought this was over with, but apparently I was wrong. I had a thought of him walking up the stairs and me walking down them. I said hi to him and he said hi back, and then I kept walking.
Then I ACTUALLY saw him walking up the stairs and I was walking down them. I could think of nothing else but to say hi to him and he said hi back, and then I kept walking.
HOLY CRAP!!!! My heart had paused in my throat from my brain thinking "no freaking way!" The adrenaline pumped in me and I wanted to call Emily and tell her but she didn't pick up so here I am writing about it. For some reason I want to go dance in the rain now or something totally crazy like that.
What does it mean?!?!?!
Whew
For Halloween I was Michael Phelps. :)
Everyone loved my costume, and unlike the other girls no one called me a slut (even though I had on less clothes than them lmao) Only one person didn't know who I was.
I wore my speedo, some goggles, my roughwater medals, and a friend's Olumpic Beijing Jacket! All the girls loved it, and one guy was acting really uncomfortable but thats his problem isnt it? ;)
Then we had a swim meet the next day. It was a very odd/ old pool. I'd have an outside pool any day over an inside one. I wasn't in the right mood to be around people, and there were about 300 people stuck in that tiny little place continuously yelling cheers, etc. Did I mention the pool was only six lanes, and the diving boards were in the shallow end?
Much to say I had to actually run into the locker rooms, find a corner (it was like a maze) and sit there for a couple minutes with my eyes closed.
After that it got much better. I hung out with the team, and got to know them a little bit better. Some of the girls that had steered clear of me have started talking to me. It was a lot of fun. On the way back we watched the old Disney movie Hocus Pocus. It was a nice memory of the past. We went to Subway and coach paid for all of us again! Coach said its our money anyways so I guess i shouldnt feel so gracious?
So this Wednesday to raise money for the swim team, (plus a third of it is going to a cancer charity) we are going to do a 24 hour relay, including the "Hour of Power" for the cancer fundraiser.
This means that at least 4 people will be swimming in the pool for 24 hours straight. I hope I get a normal time to swim, because it is on a Wednesday...
Anyways We do need to raise money for it, so would any of you like to sponsor me? It can either be done with a flat out donation, or with a rate for every yard we swim (I will let you know how many yards we swam last year.) I definitely have more info on this, so please please help me raise some money for this! Ill probably be swimming at 3 in the morning anyways!
Everyone loved my costume, and unlike the other girls no one called me a slut (even though I had on less clothes than them lmao) Only one person didn't know who I was.
I wore my speedo, some goggles, my roughwater medals, and a friend's Olumpic Beijing Jacket! All the girls loved it, and one guy was acting really uncomfortable but thats his problem isnt it? ;)
Then we had a swim meet the next day. It was a very odd/ old pool. I'd have an outside pool any day over an inside one. I wasn't in the right mood to be around people, and there were about 300 people stuck in that tiny little place continuously yelling cheers, etc. Did I mention the pool was only six lanes, and the diving boards were in the shallow end?
Much to say I had to actually run into the locker rooms, find a corner (it was like a maze) and sit there for a couple minutes with my eyes closed.
After that it got much better. I hung out with the team, and got to know them a little bit better. Some of the girls that had steered clear of me have started talking to me. It was a lot of fun. On the way back we watched the old Disney movie Hocus Pocus. It was a nice memory of the past. We went to Subway and coach paid for all of us again! Coach said its our money anyways so I guess i shouldnt feel so gracious?
So this Wednesday to raise money for the swim team, (plus a third of it is going to a cancer charity) we are going to do a 24 hour relay, including the "Hour of Power" for the cancer fundraiser.
This means that at least 4 people will be swimming in the pool for 24 hours straight. I hope I get a normal time to swim, because it is on a Wednesday...
Anyways We do need to raise money for it, so would any of you like to sponsor me? It can either be done with a flat out donation, or with a rate for every yard we swim (I will let you know how many yards we swam last year.) I definitely have more info on this, so please please help me raise some money for this! Ill probably be swimming at 3 in the morning anyways!
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