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The Poem Never Given
I took your picture off my wall today
I hope you don’t come back and act surprised
Cause there’s nothing else I want to say
Seeing you still makes my stomach churn
But this time its not excitement, it’s regret
The butterflies that were there once, now burn
I know I shouldn’t say anything to you at all
But I don’t think you gave enough time
To recognize the authenticity and sincerity of my call
I don’t know what you think of me
But from the way you treat my presence
I really don’t think I want to see
So I guess what I need to say to you
Is that I think you and your priorities are crazy
And I hope I never develop your point of view
Since you’re still you I wish you luck
I don’t want to have to see you ignore me again
But from now on know that I don’t give a fuck
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
My Past Two Evenings
Monday:
Monday night I went to watch a movie at the local movie theatre with my new friend Mikey. He's a senior, and seems really cool so far. He's really short (or maybe I'm just really tall.) We got in his little blue car and drove down to the Winona Movie Theatre. It was super tiny! And cheap! The tickets were $7.50 each! There weren't that many good movies out, so we chose Eagle Eye and went in.
Both not knowing what the movie was about, it was a very entertaining one! If you've seen the commercials it's about this voice on the phone and electronic machines that tell him what to do. This gets him in trouble and hence, your story. We both liked it very much and are planning to hang out again later this week. I definitely recommend this movie.
Tuesday:
Practice was evil :(
We had to do this one thing called a T-30. We had to swim nonstop for half an hour at the fastest pace speed we could muster. The first fifteen minutes went by fast (he held up a sign,) but then the rest seemed to go even slower. He flashed a sign for 5 minutes left and that seemed to take even longer than the first 25 minutes! All of a sudden coach and the girl counting my laps (only Eric and I were swimming it, the others swam yesterday; long story) started waving their arms, pushing me towards the opposite wall. I thought maybe we had thirty seconds left so I picked it up. Little did I know that they continued doing this for another 200!!!
Much to say I was happy with the outcome. The top yardage was 2425, by John Fox. I somehow did a 2325 :D
Then, like every tuesday, is Ballroom Dance Class. I like this class because I'm supposed to take control. Haha I'll shut up now. But we finally picked our song (Let's Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez) and have started choreographing it. It's amazing! It will really be something and the show is going to be (I'm pretty sure) May 12th.
Morning practice tomorrow (ehhhh........)
Monday night I went to watch a movie at the local movie theatre with my new friend Mikey. He's a senior, and seems really cool so far. He's really short (or maybe I'm just really tall.) We got in his little blue car and drove down to the Winona Movie Theatre. It was super tiny! And cheap! The tickets were $7.50 each! There weren't that many good movies out, so we chose Eagle Eye and went in.
Both not knowing what the movie was about, it was a very entertaining one! If you've seen the commercials it's about this voice on the phone and electronic machines that tell him what to do. This gets him in trouble and hence, your story. We both liked it very much and are planning to hang out again later this week. I definitely recommend this movie.
Tuesday:
Practice was evil :(
We had to do this one thing called a T-30. We had to swim nonstop for half an hour at the fastest pace speed we could muster. The first fifteen minutes went by fast (he held up a sign,) but then the rest seemed to go even slower. He flashed a sign for 5 minutes left and that seemed to take even longer than the first 25 minutes! All of a sudden coach and the girl counting my laps (only Eric and I were swimming it, the others swam yesterday; long story) started waving their arms, pushing me towards the opposite wall. I thought maybe we had thirty seconds left so I picked it up. Little did I know that they continued doing this for another 200!!!
Much to say I was happy with the outcome. The top yardage was 2425, by John Fox. I somehow did a 2325 :D
Then, like every tuesday, is Ballroom Dance Class. I like this class because I'm supposed to take control. Haha I'll shut up now. But we finally picked our song (Let's Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez) and have started choreographing it. It's amazing! It will really be something and the show is going to be (I'm pretty sure) May 12th.
Morning practice tomorrow (ehhhh........)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
SNOW and SPORTS
...do not make a good combination
Saturday
We all learned that every athlete is expected to participate in the CAC's (cardinal athletic club, or something like that.) "Amazing Race" on Sunday. This means that all sorts of events are laid out for us in Olympic like fashion. I got an email that told me I was on Team 16.
The sun was setting, and all of a sudden a million birds started flying across the sky. I mean MILLIONS. They covered the whole sky, and it lasted for about half an hour. I'm pretty sure they were heading south for the winter. I didn't think anything of it until I saw the weather forecast for the next day: SNOW O.O
I didn't; couldn't believe it. It was still 60 degrees outside!
But the sun went down, and that was when the wind started. Huge gusts of wind.
Sunday
I woke up at noon and looked out the window. There were dead leaves blowing around everywhere! The beautiful yellow/orange tree outside my window had become completely bare in one night. The leaves blew up almost six feet in the air at times. did some homework until 1;30, which was when we were supposed to meet for the CAC's Amazing Race. I looked outside and it had started to sprinkle. But the drops looked a bit wrong. They seemed to kind of float around like dandelion seeds.
It was sleet. Sleet is something inbetween snow and rain. I ran outside and tried to catch some, but it would melt as soon as it touched skin. It did collect on my shirt though.
Robby came home, and gave me something from his mother. She had made me mittens. They were so warm. I decided to bring them along.
They told us to expect to get wet, and so I decided to wear shorts, as well as hide my boardshorts in the pool lockers. Did I mention the swim team has their own locker room? Yea pretty bad ass.
It started to actually snow. It didn't stay on the ground because apparently the ground has to freeze before the snow can stick.
We all collected into the basketball/ indoor track gym. There were 20 groups, all made up of different members from different sports. I had three softball players, one amazing soccer goalie named Marianna (our group leader), a Hockey player, a track player named Emily, and a baseball player.
Here were the games we played, and how we did
1 TIE (sudoku)
2 WIN (running/ hockey gear)
3 WIN (hockey rink)
4 WIN (blocks and beams)
5 WIN (Pool)
6 WIN (Pipes and Golf Balls)
7 WIN (Football kicks)
8 LOSS (battleship)
9 LOSS (handball)
10 LOSS (Cups and Hoops)
(sudoku)
They wanted at least one mind game in here. I hate sudoku hahaha. I almost finished one puzzle, but we ran out of time. It was a tie.
(running/ hockey gear)
We had to run around the track three times. There were four stations. Since we had only 8 people and all the other teams 11, I had to go twice, as did two others. You had to put on a hockey jersey, a helmet, weird thick leather pant things, socks, shin guards, and gloves before you could run to the next post. You could put anything on in any way, but you couldn't be holding anything. Much to say it was very entertaining and we won!
(hockey rink)
We played Curling on the ice. We used hockey pucks instead of those metal things but it worked just as well. Thank god we had a hockey player on our team. We won!
(blocks and beams)
This one was really cool. There were three wooden boxes spaced apart:
I```I ........................ I```I ........................ I```I
and without touching the floor, we had to get the most teammates (we both used 8 players) across. We could do this by using two wooden beams. It was so fun! The other team started copying our style, but we still won by one person! Since I weighed the second most, the hockey player and I were the weights to hold the boards down as others walked across. We won!
(Pool)
Of course this was my specialty. I went into the Varsity Locker room (it has a combination lock on it,) and borrowed a couple of goggles from other people. I hoped they wouldn't mind. Half of them had ditched the amazing race anyways. Lindquist allowed us to use goggles if we had them, and what we had to do was collect $20 and 8 cents of change off of the bottom of the pool. its stands for 2008. Get it? We then had to count the change, and we had a girl stay out to do that. We won by a landslide.
(Pipes and Golf Balls)
This one was a close race. We had two long pipes, and had to put a golfball inside the pipes. After the ball went through the first pipe into the second, the first pipe had to run around to the front so that the ball could travel. We had to go through a course, and dump the golf ball into a bucket. If you dropped the ball you had to start all over. And you couldn't put your hand over the pipe holes to hold the ball.Whoever got the ball in first won. We won.
(Football kicks)
This was out in the cold ass snow and we were still wet from the pool. It was the beginning of our downfall :( lol. We managed to punt the ball over the goal posts enough (thanks to Marianna). I was terrible. I could not even kick the ball because something got inside my contact and I was tearing up all over the place. I did warn them though that I was bad with games that included balls. We Won.
(battleship)
THis was human battleship. We had to lay down on one side of the barrier. If a ball hit us we were out, but if we caught the ball the person who threw it was out. It was very difficult because you could not see. We lost this one :( But it was a close match
(handball)
We had to go BACK out into the snow again. This was just like a soccer game, with soccer ball and goals. We had to use our hands and throw the ball, but if we caught the ball we could only take three steps. My hands were so cold, and the ball so wet, that it would slip out of my hands. I resorted to defense but we lost again.
(Cups and Hoops)
This last one was stupid. Four people were blindfolded, and I was one of them. All four of us had to get a rubberband with four strings tied to it to stretch wide enough in order to fit it onto a plastic dixie cup filled with water sitting on a chair. We could only have one person telling us instructions and no one could touch us. There were two people from the other team trying to heckle and confuse us. Since Marianna has such a distinctive voice, and she is such a good leader, we had no problem with the voice confusion. That was my idea :). We finally got the Rubberband on the cup, and tried hard not to spill. If you spilled you had to start over, but we didn't. We had to follow her voice and wind around three orange cones, and then put the cup onto a chair on the opposite side of the court. After that, one of the blindfolded people had to shoot a basket with a basketball and hoop. The minute we got the cup onto the other chair, the team had already shot the basket! We lost again.
All in all it was fun. We got a barbeque afterwards. Yumm.
I don't know what I would have done without the mittens.
Saturday
We all learned that every athlete is expected to participate in the CAC's (cardinal athletic club, or something like that.) "Amazing Race" on Sunday. This means that all sorts of events are laid out for us in Olympic like fashion. I got an email that told me I was on Team 16.
The sun was setting, and all of a sudden a million birds started flying across the sky. I mean MILLIONS. They covered the whole sky, and it lasted for about half an hour. I'm pretty sure they were heading south for the winter. I didn't think anything of it until I saw the weather forecast for the next day: SNOW O.O
I didn't; couldn't believe it. It was still 60 degrees outside!
But the sun went down, and that was when the wind started. Huge gusts of wind.
Sunday
I woke up at noon and looked out the window. There were dead leaves blowing around everywhere! The beautiful yellow/orange tree outside my window had become completely bare in one night. The leaves blew up almost six feet in the air at times. did some homework until 1;30, which was when we were supposed to meet for the CAC's Amazing Race. I looked outside and it had started to sprinkle. But the drops looked a bit wrong. They seemed to kind of float around like dandelion seeds.
It was sleet. Sleet is something inbetween snow and rain. I ran outside and tried to catch some, but it would melt as soon as it touched skin. It did collect on my shirt though.
Robby came home, and gave me something from his mother. She had made me mittens. They were so warm. I decided to bring them along.
They told us to expect to get wet, and so I decided to wear shorts, as well as hide my boardshorts in the pool lockers. Did I mention the swim team has their own locker room? Yea pretty bad ass.
It started to actually snow. It didn't stay on the ground because apparently the ground has to freeze before the snow can stick.
We all collected into the basketball/ indoor track gym. There were 20 groups, all made up of different members from different sports. I had three softball players, one amazing soccer goalie named Marianna (our group leader), a Hockey player, a track player named Emily, and a baseball player.
Here were the games we played, and how we did
1 TIE (sudoku)
2 WIN (running/ hockey gear)
3 WIN (hockey rink)
4 WIN (blocks and beams)
5 WIN (Pool)
6 WIN (Pipes and Golf Balls)
7 WIN (Football kicks)
8 LOSS (battleship)
9 LOSS (handball)
10 LOSS (Cups and Hoops)
(sudoku)
They wanted at least one mind game in here. I hate sudoku hahaha. I almost finished one puzzle, but we ran out of time. It was a tie.
(running/ hockey gear)
We had to run around the track three times. There were four stations. Since we had only 8 people and all the other teams 11, I had to go twice, as did two others. You had to put on a hockey jersey, a helmet, weird thick leather pant things, socks, shin guards, and gloves before you could run to the next post. You could put anything on in any way, but you couldn't be holding anything. Much to say it was very entertaining and we won!
(hockey rink)
We played Curling on the ice. We used hockey pucks instead of those metal things but it worked just as well. Thank god we had a hockey player on our team. We won!
(blocks and beams)
This one was really cool. There were three wooden boxes spaced apart:
I```I ........................ I```I ........................ I```I
and without touching the floor, we had to get the most teammates (we both used 8 players) across. We could do this by using two wooden beams. It was so fun! The other team started copying our style, but we still won by one person! Since I weighed the second most, the hockey player and I were the weights to hold the boards down as others walked across. We won!
(Pool)
Of course this was my specialty. I went into the Varsity Locker room (it has a combination lock on it,) and borrowed a couple of goggles from other people. I hoped they wouldn't mind. Half of them had ditched the amazing race anyways. Lindquist allowed us to use goggles if we had them, and what we had to do was collect $20 and 8 cents of change off of the bottom of the pool. its stands for 2008. Get it? We then had to count the change, and we had a girl stay out to do that. We won by a landslide.
(Pipes and Golf Balls)
This one was a close race. We had two long pipes, and had to put a golfball inside the pipes. After the ball went through the first pipe into the second, the first pipe had to run around to the front so that the ball could travel. We had to go through a course, and dump the golf ball into a bucket. If you dropped the ball you had to start all over. And you couldn't put your hand over the pipe holes to hold the ball.Whoever got the ball in first won. We won.
(Football kicks)
This was out in the cold ass snow and we were still wet from the pool. It was the beginning of our downfall :( lol. We managed to punt the ball over the goal posts enough (thanks to Marianna). I was terrible. I could not even kick the ball because something got inside my contact and I was tearing up all over the place. I did warn them though that I was bad with games that included balls. We Won.
(battleship)
THis was human battleship. We had to lay down on one side of the barrier. If a ball hit us we were out, but if we caught the ball the person who threw it was out. It was very difficult because you could not see. We lost this one :( But it was a close match
(handball)
We had to go BACK out into the snow again. This was just like a soccer game, with soccer ball and goals. We had to use our hands and throw the ball, but if we caught the ball we could only take three steps. My hands were so cold, and the ball so wet, that it would slip out of my hands. I resorted to defense but we lost again.
(Cups and Hoops)
This last one was stupid. Four people were blindfolded, and I was one of them. All four of us had to get a rubberband with four strings tied to it to stretch wide enough in order to fit it onto a plastic dixie cup filled with water sitting on a chair. We could only have one person telling us instructions and no one could touch us. There were two people from the other team trying to heckle and confuse us. Since Marianna has such a distinctive voice, and she is such a good leader, we had no problem with the voice confusion. That was my idea :). We finally got the Rubberband on the cup, and tried hard not to spill. If you spilled you had to start over, but we didn't. We had to follow her voice and wind around three orange cones, and then put the cup onto a chair on the opposite side of the court. After that, one of the blindfolded people had to shoot a basket with a basketball and hoop. The minute we got the cup onto the other chair, the team had already shot the basket! We lost again.
All in all it was fun. We got a barbeque afterwards. Yumm.
I don't know what I would have done without the mittens.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Some Perspective
1. FRIDAY
~~~~a. Dinner
~~~~ b. Bryan Moore
~~~~c. Halloween
2. SATURDAY
~~~~a. Swimming
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
~~~~c. Halloween Costumes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. FRIDAY
~~~~a. Dinner
We all went to John Fox's house for dinner. Spaghetti and Meatballs. He loves to cook and it was apparent. Home cooked food is so much better. There was chocolate....REAL meat...and REAL cheese. So amazing. They also have a new kitten! They call it Captain Kitty hahaha. It was so cute and so nice to have a pet around again. It liked me the best. It would sit in my lap and use me as its protection against everyone else :D
It also bit my necklace and now there are cool scratches on it.
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
I went up to see him again. He answered the door after 30 seconds. I asked him if he wanted to do something. The tv blared in the background. He said he had been sleeping. With the TV on? I don't really believe that. He closed the door quickly.
~~~~c. Halloween
I walked away from Bryans dorm. I had to cross through the Toner center to get there and the majority of the cross country team was there. This also means the majority of the core of my friends. They were going to the "Haunted Woods"; basically the same thing as the Haunted Trail back home. I join them. We pay four dollars and wait in line. They take us in as groups, on a rope. I later found out why; there are a ton of holes and pits in the path. It also rained yesterday :/. Guess who wore flipflops?
I was right behind Lauren and she was so scared. She was actually quivering from fright. I might have been scared, but i know that they can't touch you. Thats all there is to it. Lauren was still scared. At one point i reached the hand not on the rope (the other was being mashed by Lauren's) over to Lauren's other shoulder and grabbed it while making a creepy sound. It was very entertaining.
Then we went into the lounge and watched the actual movie "Halloween." It has Michael Myers in it. Its not really scary... its more disturbing. Lots of very realistic looking blood. And murder of course. Ok it was kind of scary because the main character was trying to run away but after every door she broke down or got past, there was another. It was just like run damnit run away!
I realized it was 12:55 and I had to wake up the next day at 7:00 for swimming. Oh boy.
2. SATURDAY
~~~~a. Swimming
I got ready and headed up to Coach Lindquist's office to meet everyone. The cafeteria was closed, but hoorah! Lindquist had had the Caf people prepare bagels and orange juice for us.
The drive up was ok. I've gone on this road more than 4 times now, so I know the buildings/ scenery by heart. After bagels, everyone started falling asleep. I tried my iPod but forgot that i hadn't charged it. Christina let me borrow hers :)
It has mostly 90's songs on it and that was a nice trip back into the past. It was deja vu thinking again and again I've heard this song before.....
I was so glad for the iPod. I could not be completely alone with my thoughts. Without music they're dangerous. They just seem to be easier to handle with music, I don't know why. After a while, they were still so strong about Bryan that I decided to write. Writing always gets it out of my system and this is no different. It needed to come out, and while the results may not be that impressive, the process was. I decided to write Haikus about how I feel because having limits in my words make them worth more and therefore more important to choose from. the count, like with all Haikus, is 5 (././.), 7 (./././.), and 5 again (././.) There are ten of them and they are:
I don't think this time
is very funny either
what else can I say?
Why don't you tell me
your thoughts instead of hiding
cause its them or me
I think that no one
can possibly fall in love
if YOU refuse to
Why do you make me
write words about you and love
you're not worth the time
You seemed interested
then you seemed to change your mind
now I'm changing mine
(a bit of a stretch; interested should be said Intrested)
Because your smiling
was beautiful I followed
it was emptiness
Whats wrong with your head
its so big and full of brains
That I see don't work
"You're playing mind games"
what the hell are you thinking?
Life is a mind game
(The quoted words are what Josh said to me once. It was true. I think it was me trying to be open but also trying to protect my mind at the same time.)
Possibilities
can become cruel mistresses
but exciting dates
Once upon a time
pigs flew across the skyline
now they live on farms
(my school is hosting a Haiku poetry contest. I wrote this way for that reason, and these last two were created as I forgot about Bryan)
We got to the pool and the meet started. There were only eight lanes so no lane to warm down in! My body didn't like that very much. The plus side is there were a ton of hot guys around. Life is always more pleasant that way.
I had to swim the 100 in each stroke, plus the 100 IM.
These were my times:
Fly---1:04.77
Back---1:08.43
Breast---1:09.65
Free---56.00 (what are the odds of doing this twice?)
IM---1:03.50
our girls got 4th place, and the guys got 3rd
Overall I placed Ninth!!!!!! Yaaaaayyyy
I can't remember if these times are fast or not. I know the breast isn't :(
We went back home, and Coach treated us to Chipotle's. I think it cost him $70+. He is so nice.
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
Big stuff. Let's put this in story mode:
Neil walked up to the cafeteria for dinner. He saw Bryan walking down but Bryan hadn't seen him yet. Neil looked down at the floor to pretend he hadn't seen Bryan and Bryan just walks on by without a hello when Neil KNOWS he saw him. Neil lost his appetite because of that and only had a bowl of cereal.
He later (after part c; halloween costumes) went to Bryan's room and knocked on the door. Neil had had a speech prepared and was planning to play it cool until after some "hanging out" time. It failed. The minute Bryan opened the door and said what's up? Neil said: "Bryan, I wanna have a talk with you."
Bryan immediately looked all concerned and caring at that point. "Sure, come on in." He opened the door wide, and as Neil walked in, made a seat for him by tossing away dirty clothes that littered the room. Neil looked on rather disgustedly as he saw the heaps and heaps of dirty clothes, but then he also liked the fact that Bryan had such a wide array of them.
He sat down and just bluntly said "I want to know about us. You know I like you, and I thought you did. You made the first moves, but now I'm getting mixed signals. What is this?" He pointed back and forth to himself and Bryan.
Bryan smiled. "I know. Life has been crazy. I've hardly had any time to myself and I am so tired. Yesterday I was in the theatre from 9 to 730. And Im trying to figure out if I want to transfer next semester. I also have been trying to get a job and Its been so hard. But yes, I do like you."
The sound of the Disney Channel brought Neil and Bryan back to the TV. Bryan was on his laptop again, facebooking it up. Neil watched the show for a while. "Are you doing anything tonight?"
"No, I'm probably gonna go to sleep soon." More TV watching. "You know you're really boring when you're tired" (duh Neil what a stupid comment)
"I know. I'm almost always boring. I get used to it" Bryan replies. Neil doesn't know what to think about that one.
Still bored and out of his mind (the Disney Channel entertains one for only so long,) Neil says. "Here let me give you a massage."
"Snorts"
"Come on. You're probably all stiff."
"Ok fine." He sits up and Neil goes behind the chair to massage his back. Bryan just keeps typing away onto the laptop.
*Massaging commences*
"Wow. You're not that stiff actually."
"I was stretching in between dances at rehearsal." *staring at screen continues*
Neil looked at his neck, and softly started rubbing it. All he wanted was some signs of affection. A smile even. Maybe if he started it.... But he couldn't. The old Neil would never do something like that. But this is the new Neil. His conscience says. You took a chance coming to this school. You wanted to challenge yourself. You want to do things YOU want to do. You don't want to hold your desires in anymore. Just do it! He leaned forward and slowly kissed his neck...
Bryan sighed like it was an annoyance. "Neil" he said, an irritated tone in his voice. He turned away a little bit, as neil gave up and plopped back on the futon. He heard something crunch but Bryan didn't seem to care.
"Do you want to ever date or no?" Neil asked frustratedly. He had done something crazy and it hadn't worked. Wonderful.
Bryan paused on clicking the mouse, and said "Maybe in a couple of months when things slow down."
Some more TV watching, some random talk. Then "Do you like cards?"
"Yea, sure" Bryan said.
"Then I'll bring some over on Monday and we can play."
"Cool"
"I've got to go now. Gonna hang out with some friends. See you around."
"See ya."
"Have a good sleep, you sound like you need it."
"yea, bye."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok why would he say in a couple of months when he said he might transfer? I am so confused and Im so ready to give up. What do you guys think? Half the time he seems interested, and other times he couldn't care less.
~~~~c. Halloween Costumes
I went with some people from swimming to a halloween store to look at costumes. It was so expensive! And the renting was more expensive than buying the stuff! It was ridiculous. The cheapest coolest looking costumes were the masquarade ones. So i might get that.
And thats all folks. Digest. It was a lot to take in. Fun times, sad times, and desperate times that all lead to new perspectives. At least I'm not going crazy just sitting around for an answer. :)
~~~~a. Dinner
~~~~ b. Bryan Moore
~~~~c. Halloween
2. SATURDAY
~~~~a. Swimming
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
~~~~c. Halloween Costumes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. FRIDAY
~~~~a. Dinner
We all went to John Fox's house for dinner. Spaghetti and Meatballs. He loves to cook and it was apparent. Home cooked food is so much better. There was chocolate....REAL meat...and REAL cheese. So amazing. They also have a new kitten! They call it Captain Kitty hahaha. It was so cute and so nice to have a pet around again. It liked me the best. It would sit in my lap and use me as its protection against everyone else :D
It also bit my necklace and now there are cool scratches on it.
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
I went up to see him again. He answered the door after 30 seconds. I asked him if he wanted to do something. The tv blared in the background. He said he had been sleeping. With the TV on? I don't really believe that. He closed the door quickly.
~~~~c. Halloween
I walked away from Bryans dorm. I had to cross through the Toner center to get there and the majority of the cross country team was there. This also means the majority of the core of my friends. They were going to the "Haunted Woods"; basically the same thing as the Haunted Trail back home. I join them. We pay four dollars and wait in line. They take us in as groups, on a rope. I later found out why; there are a ton of holes and pits in the path. It also rained yesterday :/. Guess who wore flipflops?
I was right behind Lauren and she was so scared. She was actually quivering from fright. I might have been scared, but i know that they can't touch you. Thats all there is to it. Lauren was still scared. At one point i reached the hand not on the rope (the other was being mashed by Lauren's) over to Lauren's other shoulder and grabbed it while making a creepy sound. It was very entertaining.
Then we went into the lounge and watched the actual movie "Halloween." It has Michael Myers in it. Its not really scary... its more disturbing. Lots of very realistic looking blood. And murder of course. Ok it was kind of scary because the main character was trying to run away but after every door she broke down or got past, there was another. It was just like run damnit run away!
I realized it was 12:55 and I had to wake up the next day at 7:00 for swimming. Oh boy.
2. SATURDAY
~~~~a. Swimming
I got ready and headed up to Coach Lindquist's office to meet everyone. The cafeteria was closed, but hoorah! Lindquist had had the Caf people prepare bagels and orange juice for us.
The drive up was ok. I've gone on this road more than 4 times now, so I know the buildings/ scenery by heart. After bagels, everyone started falling asleep. I tried my iPod but forgot that i hadn't charged it. Christina let me borrow hers :)
It has mostly 90's songs on it and that was a nice trip back into the past. It was deja vu thinking again and again I've heard this song before.....
I was so glad for the iPod. I could not be completely alone with my thoughts. Without music they're dangerous. They just seem to be easier to handle with music, I don't know why. After a while, they were still so strong about Bryan that I decided to write. Writing always gets it out of my system and this is no different. It needed to come out, and while the results may not be that impressive, the process was. I decided to write Haikus about how I feel because having limits in my words make them worth more and therefore more important to choose from. the count, like with all Haikus, is 5 (././.), 7 (./././.), and 5 again (././.) There are ten of them and they are:
I don't think this time
is very funny either
what else can I say?
Why don't you tell me
your thoughts instead of hiding
cause its them or me
I think that no one
can possibly fall in love
if YOU refuse to
Why do you make me
write words about you and love
you're not worth the time
You seemed interested
then you seemed to change your mind
now I'm changing mine
(a bit of a stretch; interested should be said Intrested)
Because your smiling
was beautiful I followed
it was emptiness
Whats wrong with your head
its so big and full of brains
That I see don't work
"You're playing mind games"
what the hell are you thinking?
Life is a mind game
(The quoted words are what Josh said to me once. It was true. I think it was me trying to be open but also trying to protect my mind at the same time.)
Possibilities
can become cruel mistresses
but exciting dates
Once upon a time
pigs flew across the skyline
now they live on farms
(my school is hosting a Haiku poetry contest. I wrote this way for that reason, and these last two were created as I forgot about Bryan)
We got to the pool and the meet started. There were only eight lanes so no lane to warm down in! My body didn't like that very much. The plus side is there were a ton of hot guys around. Life is always more pleasant that way.
I had to swim the 100 in each stroke, plus the 100 IM.
These were my times:
Fly---1:04.77
Back---1:08.43
Breast---1:09.65
Free---56.00 (what are the odds of doing this twice?)
IM---1:03.50
our girls got 4th place, and the guys got 3rd
Overall I placed Ninth!!!!!! Yaaaaayyyy
I can't remember if these times are fast or not. I know the breast isn't :(
We went back home, and Coach treated us to Chipotle's. I think it cost him $70+. He is so nice.
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
Big stuff. Let's put this in story mode:
Neil walked up to the cafeteria for dinner. He saw Bryan walking down but Bryan hadn't seen him yet. Neil looked down at the floor to pretend he hadn't seen Bryan and Bryan just walks on by without a hello when Neil KNOWS he saw him. Neil lost his appetite because of that and only had a bowl of cereal.
He later (after part c; halloween costumes) went to Bryan's room and knocked on the door. Neil had had a speech prepared and was planning to play it cool until after some "hanging out" time. It failed. The minute Bryan opened the door and said what's up? Neil said: "Bryan, I wanna have a talk with you."
Bryan immediately looked all concerned and caring at that point. "Sure, come on in." He opened the door wide, and as Neil walked in, made a seat for him by tossing away dirty clothes that littered the room. Neil looked on rather disgustedly as he saw the heaps and heaps of dirty clothes, but then he also liked the fact that Bryan had such a wide array of them.
He sat down and just bluntly said "I want to know about us. You know I like you, and I thought you did. You made the first moves, but now I'm getting mixed signals. What is this?" He pointed back and forth to himself and Bryan.
Bryan smiled. "I know. Life has been crazy. I've hardly had any time to myself and I am so tired. Yesterday I was in the theatre from 9 to 730. And Im trying to figure out if I want to transfer next semester. I also have been trying to get a job and Its been so hard. But yes, I do like you."
The sound of the Disney Channel brought Neil and Bryan back to the TV. Bryan was on his laptop again, facebooking it up. Neil watched the show for a while. "Are you doing anything tonight?"
"No, I'm probably gonna go to sleep soon." More TV watching. "You know you're really boring when you're tired" (duh Neil what a stupid comment)
"I know. I'm almost always boring. I get used to it" Bryan replies. Neil doesn't know what to think about that one.
Still bored and out of his mind (the Disney Channel entertains one for only so long,) Neil says. "Here let me give you a massage."
"Snorts"
"Come on. You're probably all stiff."
"Ok fine." He sits up and Neil goes behind the chair to massage his back. Bryan just keeps typing away onto the laptop.
*Massaging commences*
"Wow. You're not that stiff actually."
"I was stretching in between dances at rehearsal." *staring at screen continues*
Neil looked at his neck, and softly started rubbing it. All he wanted was some signs of affection. A smile even. Maybe if he started it.... But he couldn't. The old Neil would never do something like that. But this is the new Neil. His conscience says. You took a chance coming to this school. You wanted to challenge yourself. You want to do things YOU want to do. You don't want to hold your desires in anymore. Just do it! He leaned forward and slowly kissed his neck...
Bryan sighed like it was an annoyance. "Neil" he said, an irritated tone in his voice. He turned away a little bit, as neil gave up and plopped back on the futon. He heard something crunch but Bryan didn't seem to care.
"Do you want to ever date or no?" Neil asked frustratedly. He had done something crazy and it hadn't worked. Wonderful.
Bryan paused on clicking the mouse, and said "Maybe in a couple of months when things slow down."
Some more TV watching, some random talk. Then "Do you like cards?"
"Yea, sure" Bryan said.
"Then I'll bring some over on Monday and we can play."
"Cool"
"I've got to go now. Gonna hang out with some friends. See you around."
"See ya."
"Have a good sleep, you sound like you need it."
"yea, bye."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok why would he say in a couple of months when he said he might transfer? I am so confused and Im so ready to give up. What do you guys think? Half the time he seems interested, and other times he couldn't care less.
~~~~c. Halloween Costumes
I went with some people from swimming to a halloween store to look at costumes. It was so expensive! And the renting was more expensive than buying the stuff! It was ridiculous. The cheapest coolest looking costumes were the masquarade ones. So i might get that.
And thats all folks. Digest. It was a lot to take in. Fun times, sad times, and desperate times that all lead to new perspectives. At least I'm not going crazy just sitting around for an answer. :)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Hmmm
So nothing terribly exciting has happened. Really. All I have been doing is eating, sleeping, exercising, doing homework, and constantly stressing over bryan while *trying* to play it off.
Swimming is getting pretty hard. We started weight lifting and I must tell you I have not be really going to the gym. That was nothing compared to what we do now. I really start to question if I love comfort or food more because the cafeteria is up a flight of steps :D
I also joined the ballroom dancing club. And I'm gonna be in their showcase with my friend Annie in May!!!
Bryan, its too complicated to give a definitive answer. When I actually get in tune with reality I'll let you know ;)
Computer Apps--I saved my grade! It said I had a C and I was perplexed because I had had a B before! I went to see the teacher and Somehow I was supposed to have taken a quiz that he hadn't informed the class about....
And there was an extra section that he typed into the grades that wasn't supposed to be there at all! So thanks to me, everyone in the class has better grades :D I have a B again.
Statistics--I went to tutoring and actually understood what he was talking about! It all fit in. I just hadn't gained knowledge about one small part of it all, and since I do now, it all fell into place.
That is about it; the leaves here are beautiful, and Halloween is just around the corner! (anyone have any Ideas for a cool costume I could make/ buy? Help ariell! Uve been to college, what do they wear!)
Swimming is getting pretty hard. We started weight lifting and I must tell you I have not be really going to the gym. That was nothing compared to what we do now. I really start to question if I love comfort or food more because the cafeteria is up a flight of steps :D
I also joined the ballroom dancing club. And I'm gonna be in their showcase with my friend Annie in May!!!
Bryan, its too complicated to give a definitive answer. When I actually get in tune with reality I'll let you know ;)
Computer Apps--I saved my grade! It said I had a C and I was perplexed because I had had a B before! I went to see the teacher and Somehow I was supposed to have taken a quiz that he hadn't informed the class about....
And there was an extra section that he typed into the grades that wasn't supposed to be there at all! So thanks to me, everyone in the class has better grades :D I have a B again.
Statistics--I went to tutoring and actually understood what he was talking about! It all fit in. I just hadn't gained knowledge about one small part of it all, and since I do now, it all fell into place.
That is about it; the leaves here are beautiful, and Halloween is just around the corner! (anyone have any Ideas for a cool costume I could make/ buy? Help ariell! Uve been to college, what do they wear!)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Bryan
What else is there to talk about?
The weather? psh its really cold now.
My friends? theyre great friends
Classes? I got a 95% on my mass comm paper. Of course Robby got a 98% grrrr. Art is great. Math is ehhh,
So now onto the two most important topics: Bryan Moore <3 and this website I found.
Let us start with the website: http://www.infj.com/MenuBasic.htm
It is all about INFJ's so sorry mostly everyone hahaha. As most of you probably know I am an INFJ (if you dont know what this means, check it out! http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm)
So the second website will tell you all about Temperament theory and something I find very interesting. The first website leads you to a page made by another INFJ for INFJ's. It really is something to look at to find out more about yourself (ehem, mother) Especially helpful to me is the "INFJ Handbook," Which has topics on everything that INFJs' need to succeed and be happy in this world: http://www.infj.com/MenuHdbk.htm#Introduction%20to%20The%20INFJ%20%22Handbook%22
In it are topics on Romance, "Rose Colored Glasses," Stress, Authenticity, Change, Life Purpose, etc, etc. The list really does go on, from a topic on INFJs' as children, to dealing with midlife. If you go to the website you will see tons of Dolphins.
I bring this up because I know that I can get too much into romance, and paint the person of my affections with "Rose Colored Glasses." (Hopeless Romantic here!)But by reading the posts I can now judge my actions from a scientific perspective? I don't know it makes sense inside my head.
And now Bryan Moore
He happened to be the first gay person that I found on facebook that went to college here. I was so intimidated because he is so beautiful. But he is also nice, outgoing and unbelievably sweet. We haven't spent much time together, but it has been really amazing. (I have been known to jump the gun many times, and this isn't an exception. I've officially warned you :P ) It was so cold the other night that he warmed my hands for me while we watched the best movie ever: August Rush (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0426931/) This was our third meeting, and of course the perfect time for "True Love’s First--" OK REALLY I do need to stop before the rest of you start puking. lmao.
Of course I wasn't puking, far from it. And now as a consequence I feel on top of the wooooorld. And unlike with Kyle, I'm not sad because Bryan is still here, and unlike Josh, I actually like him. :D:D:D
Do you guys want a picture? Because I feel like giving you a picture!
(Bryan if you read this I am really sorry hahahaha)
The weather? psh its really cold now.
My friends? theyre great friends
Classes? I got a 95% on my mass comm paper. Of course Robby got a 98% grrrr. Art is great. Math is ehhh,
So now onto the two most important topics: Bryan Moore <3 and this website I found.
Let us start with the website: http://www.infj.com/MenuBasic.htm
It is all about INFJ's so sorry mostly everyone hahaha. As most of you probably know I am an INFJ (if you dont know what this means, check it out! http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm)
So the second website will tell you all about Temperament theory and something I find very interesting. The first website leads you to a page made by another INFJ for INFJ's. It really is something to look at to find out more about yourself (ehem, mother) Especially helpful to me is the "INFJ Handbook," Which has topics on everything that INFJs' need to succeed and be happy in this world: http://www.infj.com/MenuHdbk.htm#Introduction%20to%20The%20INFJ%20%22Handbook%22
In it are topics on Romance, "Rose Colored Glasses," Stress, Authenticity, Change, Life Purpose, etc, etc. The list really does go on, from a topic on INFJs' as children, to dealing with midlife. If you go to the website you will see tons of Dolphins.
I bring this up because I know that I can get too much into romance, and paint the person of my affections with "Rose Colored Glasses." (Hopeless Romantic here!)But by reading the posts I can now judge my actions from a scientific perspective? I don't know it makes sense inside my head.
And now Bryan Moore
He happened to be the first gay person that I found on facebook that went to college here. I was so intimidated because he is so beautiful. But he is also nice, outgoing and unbelievably sweet. We haven't spent much time together, but it has been really amazing. (I have been known to jump the gun many times, and this isn't an exception. I've officially warned you :P ) It was so cold the other night that he warmed my hands for me while we watched the best movie ever: August Rush (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0426931/) This was our third meeting, and of course the perfect time for "True Love’s First--" OK REALLY I do need to stop before the rest of you start puking. lmao.
Of course I wasn't puking, far from it. And now as a consequence I feel on top of the wooooorld. And unlike with Kyle, I'm not sad because Bryan is still here, and unlike Josh, I actually like him. :D:D:D
Do you guys want a picture? Because I feel like giving you a picture!
(Bryan if you read this I am really sorry hahahaha)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Break and Stuff
So I've noticed that in order to commence in random chatter with people I always come up with negative things to talk about. So here is me talking only about positive things!:
The break was really cool. I really needed time to myself because that happens few and far between here. Also, with the inability to leave school at school and come home, school is my home! So somehow the worries never leave but thats ok because now I know. I think I am going to start meditating on my own again.
I biked to the store twice, and bought sandwiches/ buffalo wings/ and microwaveable food. The blueberry bagels I stole last week were very nice and comforting. I am so glad Alex let me borrow his bike in return for feeding his fish. Even though fish are pretty and cool to look at, I prefer cats or dogs because you can pet them and they are (mostly) free to roam around.
On monday I went to bed at 4 AM, and woke up at 4 PM. I love vacation! On Saturday I invited Bryan to hang out and watch a movie with me. He said yes, and so I spent the most of 2 hours making sure the place was super clean (it is a very clean room to my standards, and I am very proud of it!) and making myself look super clean. I told him I did not have many movies, and so he said to come over to Benilde hall to watch some of his! We watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which is an excellent movie I must say.
It went very well, and I think he is a really cool guy ;) He and Izzy were the only people here that I talked to. I talked to Claire, and she is still being her free-bird self off in Hawaii. And of course still getting in trouble with her mom hahaha. Emily seems to get hurt every week, thus resulting in me calling her unlucky. But she loves ND. She also has a boyfriend now who I am going to warn not to pull any funny business.
People came back and it was soooo weird. I didn't really want people back yet. Having the whole campus to myself was very "last man on earth" -y. For some reason whenever I envisioned being the last man on earth or being able to pause time, I always first went to IHOP or some such place to go eat pancakes :P mmmm
For some reason my stats grade went down, and my comp apps grade went up, so instead of having an A and a C I now have two Bs. Odd.....
In art we are making images in a circular border. This is much unknown to Western Culture, and I could definitely agree with that. For some reason my brain confuzzled and I could not come up with a good pattern. Later in my room, I did but it has some symbolism and deeper connotation to it. I also did this for my label pattern. Somehow I can't seem to like something without drawing some secret into it, or I cant like a painting until it has a made up story I like. Really really weird. I guess it's the INFJ in me...
I arrived late to swimming 30 minutes by mistake but coach saw me running so he wasn't mad; knowing I had made a mistake. I am now swimming in the fastest lane just like High School. Typical hahaha. Just John Fox and me, and he actually started talking! Its a miracle! He's actually really nice. If I had to guess though I would say he was a Rational (any thoughts Ariell?)
To break on my happy post I got some really bad news today. One of my friends back home in Cali got in trouble with the law, I won't go into detail but basically hes going to jail for a year or more for something I know he didn't do! :(:(:(
I know this because I was with him the day he is being accused of doing what never happened. All because of stereotypes. It really makes me sick that the Justice system can be so screwed up. Really makes me want to be a juror so I can see the truth with my own eyes. It is so weird being able to say I know someone who is in jail...I don't like it at all.
Anyways,
Love,
Neil
The break was really cool. I really needed time to myself because that happens few and far between here. Also, with the inability to leave school at school and come home, school is my home! So somehow the worries never leave but thats ok because now I know. I think I am going to start meditating on my own again.
I biked to the store twice, and bought sandwiches/ buffalo wings/ and microwaveable food. The blueberry bagels I stole last week were very nice and comforting. I am so glad Alex let me borrow his bike in return for feeding his fish. Even though fish are pretty and cool to look at, I prefer cats or dogs because you can pet them and they are (mostly) free to roam around.
On monday I went to bed at 4 AM, and woke up at 4 PM. I love vacation! On Saturday I invited Bryan to hang out and watch a movie with me. He said yes, and so I spent the most of 2 hours making sure the place was super clean (it is a very clean room to my standards, and I am very proud of it!) and making myself look super clean. I told him I did not have many movies, and so he said to come over to Benilde hall to watch some of his! We watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which is an excellent movie I must say.
It went very well, and I think he is a really cool guy ;) He and Izzy were the only people here that I talked to. I talked to Claire, and she is still being her free-bird self off in Hawaii. And of course still getting in trouble with her mom hahaha. Emily seems to get hurt every week, thus resulting in me calling her unlucky. But she loves ND. She also has a boyfriend now who I am going to warn not to pull any funny business.
People came back and it was soooo weird. I didn't really want people back yet. Having the whole campus to myself was very "last man on earth" -y. For some reason whenever I envisioned being the last man on earth or being able to pause time, I always first went to IHOP or some such place to go eat pancakes :P mmmm
For some reason my stats grade went down, and my comp apps grade went up, so instead of having an A and a C I now have two Bs. Odd.....
In art we are making images in a circular border. This is much unknown to Western Culture, and I could definitely agree with that. For some reason my brain confuzzled and I could not come up with a good pattern. Later in my room, I did but it has some symbolism and deeper connotation to it. I also did this for my label pattern. Somehow I can't seem to like something without drawing some secret into it, or I cant like a painting until it has a made up story I like. Really really weird. I guess it's the INFJ in me...
I arrived late to swimming 30 minutes by mistake but coach saw me running so he wasn't mad; knowing I had made a mistake. I am now swimming in the fastest lane just like High School. Typical hahaha. Just John Fox and me, and he actually started talking! Its a miracle! He's actually really nice. If I had to guess though I would say he was a Rational (any thoughts Ariell?)
To break on my happy post I got some really bad news today. One of my friends back home in Cali got in trouble with the law, I won't go into detail but basically hes going to jail for a year or more for something I know he didn't do! :(:(:(
I know this because I was with him the day he is being accused of doing what never happened. All because of stereotypes. It really makes me sick that the Justice system can be so screwed up. Really makes me want to be a juror so I can see the truth with my own eyes. It is so weird being able to say I know someone who is in jail...I don't like it at all.
Anyways,
Love,
Neil
Friday, October 10, 2008
More time! Vacation time!
So today is october break. But let's not get ahead of ourselves!
We have to travel back to last night. Last night, after swim practice, (A really good one! I beat john fox in a set of 5X50 free sprints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously doubt theyre as fast as they say, either that or they're really out of shape! He still is better at breaststroke) I invited Jarod to come watch a movie with my friends and I that we had planned.
Of course no such plans existed, so I ran back and called as many people as I could together: Regina and Lauren. Leave it up to everyone to leave their homework to the last minute. We got Pirates of the Caribbean (POTC); because who doesn't love that movie? Jarod showed up. I was nervous. We went into the lounge and set up the movie. I sat down on the couch, but he sat down in an arm chair!
We started watching the movie but nothing substantial happened. Then Lauren said she had to go take a shower. THEN regina said she had to go finish her homework. I promise you this was not planned. Then we started talking! Yay! I finally got something more than a sentence out of him. muaha.
He told me he had never been farther from Minnesota than Chicago. And here I was complaining that I'd never been out of the Country! He said he would love to come down to San Diego with me. Of course I invited him (and everyone of my friends, sorry mom but someone will eventually take me up on my offers!) After many more topics and people came by to see what we were watching, the movie ended and I walked him to the door of Ed's. I did offer to walk him to his dorm with a smile on my face but he laughed and said he thought he could handle the danger.
Nothing substantial came from this. I still know nothing more than I did before. And was it a "Date?" or not? I have no clue and I don't like being confused.
I turned in my art project, which was to make a symbol that represented us. Luckily I had already made one in previous High School math classes (See! It did come in handy Mr. Priebe!). I also learned by this project how to get the scanner on the printer to work. I had to buy another book for class, called Dreamweaver ($40 of waste I say)
Everyone left for break. Over breakfast and lunch, I managed to sneak an apple, banana, and four blueberry bagels out of the caf because I learned it would be closed over the break (!!!). Alex asked me if I could feed his fish, and then another girl that lives above me asked me too. So now I have two fish in my room (with those bubble eyes) and a key to Alex's room. Alex also gave me the key to his bike. Thank god.
Kyle then invited me to go home with him, but it was already too late! I had become the Fish Feeder! Sadly I declined but I think I will be happy about my decision. I have been trying to find my own secret place on this campus but have so far failed. So Time alone and my own room is doing me amazing good! I need to be able to let my guard down once in a while.
You guys really suck at comments. Where is my motivation if not for comments?
Love to those who write back,
Neil
We have to travel back to last night. Last night, after swim practice, (A really good one! I beat john fox in a set of 5X50 free sprints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously doubt theyre as fast as they say, either that or they're really out of shape! He still is better at breaststroke) I invited Jarod to come watch a movie with my friends and I that we had planned.
Of course no such plans existed, so I ran back and called as many people as I could together: Regina and Lauren. Leave it up to everyone to leave their homework to the last minute. We got Pirates of the Caribbean (POTC); because who doesn't love that movie? Jarod showed up. I was nervous. We went into the lounge and set up the movie. I sat down on the couch, but he sat down in an arm chair!
We started watching the movie but nothing substantial happened. Then Lauren said she had to go take a shower. THEN regina said she had to go finish her homework. I promise you this was not planned. Then we started talking! Yay! I finally got something more than a sentence out of him. muaha.
He told me he had never been farther from Minnesota than Chicago. And here I was complaining that I'd never been out of the Country! He said he would love to come down to San Diego with me. Of course I invited him (and everyone of my friends, sorry mom but someone will eventually take me up on my offers!) After many more topics and people came by to see what we were watching, the movie ended and I walked him to the door of Ed's. I did offer to walk him to his dorm with a smile on my face but he laughed and said he thought he could handle the danger.
Nothing substantial came from this. I still know nothing more than I did before. And was it a "Date?" or not? I have no clue and I don't like being confused.
I turned in my art project, which was to make a symbol that represented us. Luckily I had already made one in previous High School math classes (See! It did come in handy Mr. Priebe!). I also learned by this project how to get the scanner on the printer to work. I had to buy another book for class, called Dreamweaver ($40 of waste I say)
Everyone left for break. Over breakfast and lunch, I managed to sneak an apple, banana, and four blueberry bagels out of the caf because I learned it would be closed over the break (!!!). Alex asked me if I could feed his fish, and then another girl that lives above me asked me too. So now I have two fish in my room (with those bubble eyes) and a key to Alex's room. Alex also gave me the key to his bike. Thank god.
Kyle then invited me to go home with him, but it was already too late! I had become the Fish Feeder! Sadly I declined but I think I will be happy about my decision. I have been trying to find my own secret place on this campus but have so far failed. So Time alone and my own room is doing me amazing good! I need to be able to let my guard down once in a while.
You guys really suck at comments. Where is my motivation if not for comments?
Love to those who write back,
Neil
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Some Time for Myself
Today was not a good day. Woke up too late to study for my math quiz. Had to go through computer apps which is always frustrating, probably failed math quiz. Went to LCT which is a complete joke and annoyed me. We were discussing John Baptist De La Salle's death, which was on Good Friday. People were saying how this means he was truly holy because he died the same day Jesus did. Please. It made me sick. Who really cares; so its a coincidence whatever get past it.
Anyways last night I wrote a poem (about Jarod), and I'm putting it up here for you Christian. Please don't ask me what its about (I think its obvious) just appreciate that I finally got some time to be creative again. If you know anything about poetry, I based it off of the count style ././
BAD
Someone you like
Catches your eye
As he walks out
How bad is it
When you count days
On his presence?
His eyes melt you
His smile shatters
Laughter finds joy
You know cliches
But his eyes are
A deep green lake
You know you could
Swim forever
On the surface
The thing that counts
Is the deepness
Beneath those lips
All you can do
Is hope that he
Says something back
Anyways last night I wrote a poem (about Jarod), and I'm putting it up here for you Christian. Please don't ask me what its about (I think its obvious) just appreciate that I finally got some time to be creative again. If you know anything about poetry, I based it off of the count style ././
BAD
Someone you like
Catches your eye
As he walks out
How bad is it
When you count days
On his presence?
His eyes melt you
His smile shatters
Laughter finds joy
You know cliches
But his eyes are
A deep green lake
You know you could
Swim forever
On the surface
The thing that counts
Is the deepness
Beneath those lips
All you can do
Is hope that he
Says something back
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Water and Miemaw's Mysterious Malady
Today was the first morning practice. NOT FUN!!!! We did a set that couldn't be defined as hard by normal standards, but since it was way too early in the morning, my body did not want to function for very long. And then I had class 15 minutes after swimming. I was hungry, and tired, but awake. Needless to say this combination of talking and being tired meant i babbled incoherent words that made no sense lol. This will happen every wednesday. whooopeeee
I saw yesterday a flyer for kayaking that was scheduled for today. Of course I signed up. I finally learned more details, like where to meet, and met the group there. I thought it would be a large number but it was ten people including me. The group leader was kind of odd--I don't know how to describe it but it was just a vibe. You know how these things go meemsie.
The kayaks were river kayaks which are quite different from sea kayaks AND flatwater sprinting kayaks. Much to say it was perplexing. There was NO rudder. and the paddles were flexible! It was so cool when we got on the water though. It was so peaceful and relaxing. It was very beautiful. I didn't want to bring my camera because I didn't want it to get wet. We saw water snakes it was so cool. I got close enough to see one stick out its tongue at me. Then we saw otters!!!!!!! And a beaver dam. (to clarify we weren't sure if the otters were beavers or not. They all had their tales in the water but looked like otters)
Very pretty. And we were in Wisconsin. We just crossed the Mississippi so it wasn't like the scenery was any different. This means that I have been to eighteen states; one for each year of my life :) They are as follows:
California_____Minnesota______Montana
Nevada_______Iowa__________Rhode Island
Arizona_______Wisconsin______Wyoming
Utah__________Michigan_____Massachusetts
New Mexico_____Ohio_________Hawaii
Idaho_________Pennsylvania___Georgia
Of course some were just crossing the border, but hey that counts in my book.
So on to the reason for the title. You guys are probably like: wtf is Miemaw's Mysterious Maladie? Haha that was just my funny name for it in under a second. At least I am proud of it. I don't know if you guys remember the story Miemaw always used to complain about; she said that she hated ladybugs because they bit her. And none of us understood her because ladybugs don't bite!
I hope you guys remember this story because for some reason I did. It just didn't make sense that ladybugs would bite. they're so nice! So here is the answer: When we got off the water, we (the faster group) were waiting for the stragglers to catch up. All of a sudden a lady bug landed on my arm. I mentioned this to another girl and she brushed it off. she said it wasn't a lady bug but a foreign bug from asia called an asian beetle. I realized I had seen these "asian beetles" all over the school pillars yesterday. I asked her why she brushed it off n she said they infest buildings and bite people. They also leave a really bad scent behind. All of a sudden these asian beetles were everywhere; landing in our hair, our clothes, skin, etc. It was very unpleasant and I was jumpy cause there was no way I wanted to get bit. It was very odd, seeing as how they look exactly like ladybugs, only more orange than red. Therefore maybe Miemaw was right in saying ladybugs (in her eyes) bite.
Also, almost everyone is going away for october break. So I asked Lauren if I could go home with her n she said yes but then said no because she is going to go visit her grandparents n wasn't staying home. I then asked Robbie but he is going to south dakota (mount rushmore is the only worthy thing to visit in the Dakotas so ive heard). I sent out a facebook message to all my friends and begged them to take me home lol. None of them could apparently. So I am staying here. Two of my "friends" Bryan (!) and Jarod (!) are staying so we will probably hang out a lot since no one else will be here except for one of the really cool RA's. I think it will be fun!
LAST THING: Britney Spears will always have a place in my heart.Strike that. Her MUSIC will always have a place in my heart and this one is no different. I think it is quite creative: http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/womanizer%2Bbritney%2Bspears/video/x6votk_britney-spears-womanizer-hq_music
On to bed :)
Always,
Neil
I saw yesterday a flyer for kayaking that was scheduled for today. Of course I signed up. I finally learned more details, like where to meet, and met the group there. I thought it would be a large number but it was ten people including me. The group leader was kind of odd--I don't know how to describe it but it was just a vibe. You know how these things go meemsie.
The kayaks were river kayaks which are quite different from sea kayaks AND flatwater sprinting kayaks. Much to say it was perplexing. There was NO rudder. and the paddles were flexible! It was so cool when we got on the water though. It was so peaceful and relaxing. It was very beautiful. I didn't want to bring my camera because I didn't want it to get wet. We saw water snakes it was so cool. I got close enough to see one stick out its tongue at me. Then we saw otters!!!!!!! And a beaver dam. (to clarify we weren't sure if the otters were beavers or not. They all had their tales in the water but looked like otters)
Very pretty. And we were in Wisconsin. We just crossed the Mississippi so it wasn't like the scenery was any different. This means that I have been to eighteen states; one for each year of my life :) They are as follows:
California_____Minnesota______Montana
Nevada_______Iowa__________Rhode Island
Arizona_______Wisconsin______Wyoming
Utah__________Michigan_____Massachusetts
New Mexico_____Ohio_________Hawaii
Idaho_________Pennsylvania___Georgia
Of course some were just crossing the border, but hey that counts in my book.
So on to the reason for the title. You guys are probably like: wtf is Miemaw's Mysterious Maladie? Haha that was just my funny name for it in under a second. At least I am proud of it. I don't know if you guys remember the story Miemaw always used to complain about; she said that she hated ladybugs because they bit her. And none of us understood her because ladybugs don't bite!
I hope you guys remember this story because for some reason I did. It just didn't make sense that ladybugs would bite. they're so nice! So here is the answer: When we got off the water, we (the faster group) were waiting for the stragglers to catch up. All of a sudden a lady bug landed on my arm. I mentioned this to another girl and she brushed it off. she said it wasn't a lady bug but a foreign bug from asia called an asian beetle. I realized I had seen these "asian beetles" all over the school pillars yesterday. I asked her why she brushed it off n she said they infest buildings and bite people. They also leave a really bad scent behind. All of a sudden these asian beetles were everywhere; landing in our hair, our clothes, skin, etc. It was very unpleasant and I was jumpy cause there was no way I wanted to get bit. It was very odd, seeing as how they look exactly like ladybugs, only more orange than red. Therefore maybe Miemaw was right in saying ladybugs (in her eyes) bite.
Also, almost everyone is going away for october break. So I asked Lauren if I could go home with her n she said yes but then said no because she is going to go visit her grandparents n wasn't staying home. I then asked Robbie but he is going to south dakota (mount rushmore is the only worthy thing to visit in the Dakotas so ive heard). I sent out a facebook message to all my friends and begged them to take me home lol. None of them could apparently. So I am staying here. Two of my "friends" Bryan (!) and Jarod (!) are staying so we will probably hang out a lot since no one else will be here except for one of the really cool RA's. I think it will be fun!
LAST THING: Britney Spears will always have a place in my heart.Strike that. Her MUSIC will always have a place in my heart and this one is no different. I think it is quite creative: http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/womanizer%2Bbritney%2Bspears/video/x6votk_britney-spears-womanizer-hq_music
On to bed :)
Always,
Neil
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Food of all kinds
Swimming :D
Swimming is going great so far! My first practice I went easy because I could still feel my shoulder protesting. We warm up for five minutes every day, do dryland, and then get in and do the practice he gives us. I love my Coach so much! He is very reasonable, and uses a white board to write the set on so we don't have to memorize it in our heads. And every saturday practice he brings doughnuts! Also, we have a goggle toss every saturday morning and if you throw your goggles onto the backstroke flags, you get to skip practice for that day! The next practice my arm didn't hurt at all. I guess it was just over worked. Coach complemented me on how well I kick (it was a kick set) because I was keeping up with John Fox, the Demi-god on our team.
I have learned here that if you just start talking to a person, in no time (in their eyes) they are your friend. Most people anyways hahaha of course there are always those few that are just weird and you don't click with them.
On Thursday, I went on the PR/B club's field trip. This stands for Public Relations/ Business. I had to join it as one of the requirements of my Mass Communications class. I must say I am glad he made that one of the requirements because there is no way I can see myself pleasantly running a radio station for two hours like my friend alex does. Everyone would hate my music hahaha.
The field trip was amazing though! We first visited the PR business Carmichael Lynch Spong. Its a mouthful but the most amazing workplace ever. The place is like cubicles, but it hardly felt like it at all. Everything was designed amazingly, your eyes never got bored, it looked modern and new and fun! They had random stuff in there that didn't seem so random at all. Like a swing, and a car! They also had a mini theatre for presentations and parties. There was a rooftop that was simply amazing, and had a fake cool looking watertower on top. It also resides over the new baseball park that was built, kind of like the Western Metal Supply Co. building at Petco Park. It was breathtaking.
Better than the building though were the people. They were fun to listen to, they looked like they had fun at their jobs, and they told us they would never leave if they could help it. It looked like an amazing work environment. Of course, being PR people, I was a little hesitant whether this work environment was real or not. Because when your job is all about creating a great image, they could have just been faking lol. They gave us free soda and warm chocolate chip cookies :d
After that we walked around to the radio station WCCO. On the way, I saw a great amount of the city (Minneapolis,) and it is a very pretty city. It doesn't look as dirty as downtown San Diego does. The radio station wasn't as nice as CLS, but it was just as cool. Waiting for us was soda and about 12 pizza boxes. I was in heaven. I even tried this cool pizza they had, that was chicken and ranch instead of tomato sauce. Very good!
We got to see people talk over the radio, and we got to learn all about the new devices coming out (HD Radio, PPD, etc...) It was a lot of fun. They kept calling Radio "Theatre of the Mind." Apparently it is acting, but all in your voice/head. The only thing I did not like about this station is that I learned how Illusionistic all radio stations are now. Most radio stations are all automated. You could be listening to a station in San Diego, and it could be transmitted from New York. They would make it sound like it was in San Diego, like give the weather there, but its still in New York! And calling in to request a song is not allowed anymore. They have to play an automated list and sometimes there are stations that are totally run by computers! It is kind of sad :(
Anyways, I'm writing a paper on electronic books. From what I've read, electronic books are not going to be popular too near in time. I give it minimum ten years, if not more. They just arent that popular. Like one person put it, "why buy a simulation of a book when you can buy a book itself for cheap?"
Goodnight!
Swimming is going great so far! My first practice I went easy because I could still feel my shoulder protesting. We warm up for five minutes every day, do dryland, and then get in and do the practice he gives us. I love my Coach so much! He is very reasonable, and uses a white board to write the set on so we don't have to memorize it in our heads. And every saturday practice he brings doughnuts! Also, we have a goggle toss every saturday morning and if you throw your goggles onto the backstroke flags, you get to skip practice for that day! The next practice my arm didn't hurt at all. I guess it was just over worked. Coach complemented me on how well I kick (it was a kick set) because I was keeping up with John Fox, the Demi-god on our team.
I have learned here that if you just start talking to a person, in no time (in their eyes) they are your friend. Most people anyways hahaha of course there are always those few that are just weird and you don't click with them.
On Thursday, I went on the PR/B club's field trip. This stands for Public Relations/ Business. I had to join it as one of the requirements of my Mass Communications class. I must say I am glad he made that one of the requirements because there is no way I can see myself pleasantly running a radio station for two hours like my friend alex does. Everyone would hate my music hahaha.
The field trip was amazing though! We first visited the PR business Carmichael Lynch Spong. Its a mouthful but the most amazing workplace ever. The place is like cubicles, but it hardly felt like it at all. Everything was designed amazingly, your eyes never got bored, it looked modern and new and fun! They had random stuff in there that didn't seem so random at all. Like a swing, and a car! They also had a mini theatre for presentations and parties. There was a rooftop that was simply amazing, and had a fake cool looking watertower on top. It also resides over the new baseball park that was built, kind of like the Western Metal Supply Co. building at Petco Park. It was breathtaking.
Better than the building though were the people. They were fun to listen to, they looked like they had fun at their jobs, and they told us they would never leave if they could help it. It looked like an amazing work environment. Of course, being PR people, I was a little hesitant whether this work environment was real or not. Because when your job is all about creating a great image, they could have just been faking lol. They gave us free soda and warm chocolate chip cookies :d
After that we walked around to the radio station WCCO. On the way, I saw a great amount of the city (Minneapolis,) and it is a very pretty city. It doesn't look as dirty as downtown San Diego does. The radio station wasn't as nice as CLS, but it was just as cool. Waiting for us was soda and about 12 pizza boxes. I was in heaven. I even tried this cool pizza they had, that was chicken and ranch instead of tomato sauce. Very good!
We got to see people talk over the radio, and we got to learn all about the new devices coming out (HD Radio, PPD, etc...) It was a lot of fun. They kept calling Radio "Theatre of the Mind." Apparently it is acting, but all in your voice/head. The only thing I did not like about this station is that I learned how Illusionistic all radio stations are now. Most radio stations are all automated. You could be listening to a station in San Diego, and it could be transmitted from New York. They would make it sound like it was in San Diego, like give the weather there, but its still in New York! And calling in to request a song is not allowed anymore. They have to play an automated list and sometimes there are stations that are totally run by computers! It is kind of sad :(
Anyways, I'm writing a paper on electronic books. From what I've read, electronic books are not going to be popular too near in time. I give it minimum ten years, if not more. They just arent that popular. Like one person put it, "why buy a simulation of a book when you can buy a book itself for cheap?"
Goodnight!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Your Opinion Matters!
PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!
I love the old photos look of the slideshow format used in the Iowa trip, but I also agree that it flips by kind of fast. Below are three choices that you guys can look at. Tell me which one you like best (on looks and functionality!)
1. The Old way! [see last post]
~Really cool looking
~Flips fast
~Seasickness may occur ;)
***2. Stamp Format
~Doesn't spin as fast
~ Don't have to turn your head
~Words over picture
3. Mosaic Format
~You control the speed!
~Pictures not as big
~Kind of ugly
EDIT: The Stamp Format wins!
I love the old photos look of the slideshow format used in the Iowa trip, but I also agree that it flips by kind of fast. Below are three choices that you guys can look at. Tell me which one you like best (on looks and functionality!)
1. The Old way! [see last post]
~Really cool looking
~Flips fast
~Seasickness may occur ;)
***2. Stamp Format
~Doesn't spin as fast
~ Don't have to turn your head
~Words over picture
3. Mosaic Format
~You control the speed!
~Pictures not as big
~Kind of ugly
EDIT: The Stamp Format wins!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Iowa Part 2
Note all of these were taken while driving ~80 mph...It wasn't easy and I missed a lot of great shots.
MORE PICTURES IN SEPTEMBER'S SECTION!
MORE PICTURES IN SEPTEMBER'S SECTION!
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