Some Perspective

1. FRIDAY
~~~~a. Dinner
~~~~ b. Bryan Moore
~~~~c. Halloween
2. SATURDAY
~~~~a. Swimming
~~~~b. Bryan Moore
~~~~c. Halloween Costumes

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1. FRIDAY
~~~~a. Dinner

We all went to John Fox's house for dinner. Spaghetti and Meatballs. He loves to cook and it was apparent. Home cooked food is so much better. There was chocolate....REAL meat...and REAL cheese. So amazing. They also have a new kitten! They call it Captain Kitty hahaha. It was so cute and so nice to have a pet around again. It liked me the best. It would sit in my lap and use me as its protection against everyone else :D
It also bit my necklace and now there are cool scratches on it.


~~~~b. Bryan Moore

I went up to see him again. He answered the door after 30 seconds. I asked him if he wanted to do something. The tv blared in the background. He said he had been sleeping. With the TV on? I don't really believe that. He closed the door quickly.

~~~~c. Halloween

I walked away from Bryans dorm. I had to cross through the Toner center to get there and the majority of the cross country team was there. This also means the majority of the core of my friends. They were going to the "Haunted Woods"; basically the same thing as the Haunted Trail back home. I join them. We pay four dollars and wait in line. They take us in as groups, on a rope. I later found out why; there are a ton of holes and pits in the path. It also rained yesterday :/. Guess who wore flipflops?

I was right behind Lauren and she was so scared. She was actually quivering from fright. I might have been scared, but i know that they can't touch you. Thats all there is to it. Lauren was still scared. At one point i reached the hand not on the rope (the other was being mashed by Lauren's) over to Lauren's other shoulder and grabbed it while making a creepy sound. It was very entertaining.

Then we went into the lounge and watched the actual movie "Halloween." It has Michael Myers in it. Its not really scary... its more disturbing. Lots of very realistic looking blood. And murder of course. Ok it was kind of scary because the main character was trying to run away but after every door she broke down or got past, there was another. It was just like run damnit run away!

I realized it was 12:55 and I had to wake up the next day at 7:00 for swimming. Oh boy.


2. SATURDAY
~~~~a. Swimming

I got ready and headed up to Coach Lindquist's office to meet everyone. The cafeteria was closed, but hoorah! Lindquist had had the Caf people prepare bagels and orange juice for us.

The drive up was ok. I've gone on this road more than 4 times now, so I know the buildings/ scenery by heart. After bagels, everyone started falling asleep. I tried my iPod but forgot that i hadn't charged it. Christina let me borrow hers :)
It has mostly 90's songs on it and that was a nice trip back into the past. It was deja vu thinking again and again I've heard this song before.....

I was so glad for the iPod. I could not be completely alone with my thoughts. Without music they're dangerous. They just seem to be easier to handle with music, I don't know why. After a while, they were still so strong about Bryan that I decided to write. Writing always gets it out of my system and this is no different. It needed to come out, and while the results may not be that impressive, the process was. I decided to write Haikus about how I feel because having limits in my words make them worth more and therefore more important to choose from. the count, like with all Haikus, is 5 (././.), 7 (./././.), and 5 again (././.) There are ten of them and they are:

I don't think this time
is very funny either
what else can I say?

Why don't you tell me
your thoughts instead of hiding
cause its them or me

I think that no one
can possibly fall in love
if YOU refuse to

Why do you make me
write words about you and love
you're not worth the time

You seemed interested
then you seemed to change your mind
now I'm changing mine
(a bit of a stretch; interested should be said Intrested)

Because your smiling
was beautiful I followed
it was emptiness

Whats wrong with your head
its so big and full of brains
That I see don't work

"You're playing mind games"
what the hell are you thinking?
Life is a mind game
(The quoted words are what Josh said to me once. It was true. I think it was me trying to be open but also trying to protect my mind at the same time.)

Possibilities
can become cruel mistresses
but exciting dates

Once upon a time
pigs flew across the skyline
now they live on farms
(my school is hosting a Haiku poetry contest. I wrote this way for that reason, and these last two were created as I forgot about Bryan)

We got to the pool and the meet started. There were only eight lanes so no lane to warm down in! My body didn't like that very much. The plus side is there were a ton of hot guys around. Life is always more pleasant that way.

I had to swim the 100 in each stroke, plus the 100 IM.
These were my times:

Fly---1:04.77
Back---1:08.43
Breast---1:09.65
Free---56.00 (what are the odds of doing this twice?)
IM---1:03.50

our girls got 4th place, and the guys got 3rd
Overall I placed Ninth!!!!!! Yaaaaayyyy

I can't remember if these times are fast or not. I know the breast isn't :(

We went back home, and Coach treated us to Chipotle's. I think it cost him $70+. He is so nice.


~~~~b. Bryan Moore

Big stuff. Let's put this in story mode:

Neil walked up to the cafeteria for dinner. He saw Bryan walking down but Bryan hadn't seen him yet. Neil looked down at the floor to pretend he hadn't seen Bryan and Bryan just walks on by without a hello when Neil KNOWS he saw him. Neil lost his appetite because of that and only had a bowl of cereal.

He later (after part c; halloween costumes) went to Bryan's room and knocked on the door. Neil had had a speech prepared and was planning to play it cool until after some "hanging out" time. It failed. The minute Bryan opened the door and said what's up? Neil said: "Bryan, I wanna have a talk with you."

Bryan immediately looked all concerned and caring at that point. "Sure, come on in." He opened the door wide, and as Neil walked in, made a seat for him by tossing away dirty clothes that littered the room. Neil looked on rather disgustedly as he saw the heaps and heaps of dirty clothes, but then he also liked the fact that Bryan had such a wide array of them.

He sat down and just bluntly said "I want to know about us. You know I like you, and I thought you did. You made the first moves, but now I'm getting mixed signals. What is this?" He pointed back and forth to himself and Bryan.

Bryan smiled. "I know. Life has been crazy. I've hardly had any time to myself and I am so tired. Yesterday I was in the theatre from 9 to 730. And Im trying to figure out if I want to transfer next semester. I also have been trying to get a job and Its been so hard. But yes, I do like you."

The sound of the Disney Channel brought Neil and Bryan back to the TV. Bryan was on his laptop again, facebooking it up. Neil watched the show for a while. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"No, I'm probably gonna go to sleep soon." More TV watching. "You know you're really boring when you're tired" (duh Neil what a stupid comment)

"I know. I'm almost always boring. I get used to it" Bryan replies. Neil doesn't know what to think about that one.

Still bored and out of his mind (the Disney Channel entertains one for only so long,) Neil says. "Here let me give you a massage."
"Snorts"
"Come on. You're probably all stiff."
"Ok fine." He sits up and Neil goes behind the chair to massage his back. Bryan just keeps typing away onto the laptop.
*Massaging commences*
"Wow. You're not that stiff actually."
"I was stretching in between dances at rehearsal." *staring at screen continues*

Neil looked at his neck, and softly started rubbing it. All he wanted was some signs of affection. A smile even. Maybe if he started it.... But he couldn't. The old Neil would never do something like that. But this is the new Neil. His conscience says. You took a chance coming to this school. You wanted to challenge yourself. You want to do things YOU want to do. You don't want to hold your desires in anymore. Just do it! He leaned forward and slowly kissed his neck...

Bryan sighed like it was an annoyance. "Neil" he said, an irritated tone in his voice. He turned away a little bit, as neil gave up and plopped back on the futon. He heard something crunch but Bryan didn't seem to care.

"Do you want to ever date or no?" Neil asked frustratedly. He had done something crazy and it hadn't worked. Wonderful.

Bryan paused on clicking the mouse, and said "Maybe in a couple of months when things slow down."

Some more TV watching, some random talk. Then "Do you like cards?"

"Yea, sure" Bryan said.
"Then I'll bring some over on Monday and we can play."
"Cool"
"I've got to go now. Gonna hang out with some friends. See you around."
"See ya."
"Have a good sleep, you sound like you need it."
"yea, bye."
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Ok why would he say in a couple of months when he said he might transfer? I am so confused and Im so ready to give up. What do you guys think? Half the time he seems interested, and other times he couldn't care less.


~~~~c. Halloween Costumes

I went with some people from swimming to a halloween store to look at costumes. It was so expensive! And the renting was more expensive than buying the stuff! It was ridiculous. The cheapest coolest looking costumes were the masquarade ones. So i might get that.


And thats all folks. Digest. It was a lot to take in. Fun times, sad times, and desperate times that all lead to new perspectives. At least I'm not going crazy just sitting around for an answer. :)