So the other day I lost one of my best friends. It was my decision, but then again it wasn't. It hurt a lot, and I think about it a lot, despite the fact that I will be better off for it.
My computer died the next day, and everything, absolutely everything has been lost. All of my stories (the things with which my life revolved around) are gone. I was in shock.
Went to the mall for some retail therapy, but it only helped temporarily. I am trying to build things up again, which is hard because I have been hit with such a hard blow. She said she would be my friend forever. That lie hurts. You SHOULD NOT say that unless you mean it. I also have to start most of my stories from the very beginning, which I guess upon further review might help me become a better writer. At least Steven is still on board with me <3
Keep Going,
Neil
Showing posts with label Emily. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emily. Show all posts
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Adventurer
I'm going to talk about three things here, most of them centering around my most important relationships, and sadly, of the fact that they are currently stagnant, either from distance, or a lack of communication.
1. My undying frustration towards normal mail being so slow
2. What I envision love to be,or should be
3. And finally my ever elusive relationship with my so-called best friend Emily.
Mail. Snail mail more correctly. How infuriating is it?!? Or more importantly, look how the Internet and immediate replies have morped us. I have three friends that are unavailable to either phone or Internet, and so letters are my only form of communication. It takes 2 weeks to get the mail to one of my friends (Sam), and then two back, making the communication take more than a month. My other friends Claire and Heidi are hiking, and I sent them letters two weeks ago also.
The lack of patience is so much that I wish I could just go there instead. I mean, how could people stand the suspense? If my life relied on a reply through the mail...I think I would die from the stress of wondering what it would be. Seriously! grrr! We should seriously consider implanting phones into our bodies at least,in our brains at most. You would never have to worry about contact getting lost or not received at all.Done rambling on that topic...lol
Love. It's something I am always talking about, probably because I am always trying to understand it.
My last relationship fizzled because I wanted to see how long it would take him to call me. I was convinced he wasn't trying hard enough, and sure enough it died because he didn't call for two weeks before I gave up. Steven is great, and amazing, at least in person. It's like the man is afraid of using the phone. I don't understand it. I am always the one trying to contact him. Am I at fault here, am I expecting too much, or is he not pulling his weight. It seems like I am repeating an old mistake. Yet whenever I call, I don't get an answer or I am putting my neck out too much.
My current vision of love is of a couple adventurers. They are on different journeys sometimes, but when together they share their adventures, and make some of their own together. It's almost like telling eachother a story about what youve experienced, and supporting eachother to keep going on.
I think finding this would be amazing. So why can't Steven be this? Or am I in the wrong?
Emily. We used to talk online and on the phone and on skype all the time during college. It was incessant; it was relieving. We would also talk so much about how summer was going to be amazing, how much time we were going to spend together.
Then she got injured, and we talked less and less and less. She just wouldn't be available, even though she had more time on her hands than ever (I at least thing this is so, because she couldn't do anything physical like Rowing). She left for Notre Dame after me only being able to see her once this summer. Last night she sent me a text saying how sad it was that we hadn't talked in a while, and when I tried to call her, she totally ignored my phone call! I don't know what game she is playing at. She was offended when I asked her if we were still friends, but seriously. Being injured doesn't mean you can't talk on the phone anymore.
When I got some nasty bug bites and was incapacitated to a bed for a couple days, I was going crazy and was ready to be entertained by anyone/anything that could get me to forget where I was. I would Imagine someone who has been just as incapacitated for 4 months to crave communication.
I miss her like crazy. I don't know what is going on. Is there a rift where we are drifting apart (I think this is improbable, but still the doubt is there)? Is she too self conscious where she doesn't want to trouble me with her problems? Is it something I have done?
I am not sure. I just hope it changes, because talking to her used to be the highlight of my days.
So there you have it, my current dilemma(s). Pretty Bleak, eh?
The sad thing about all of these situations is that I'm pretty sure none of them are my fault, so there is nothing I can really fix. It is a communications problem, and I am doing all I can to communicate..... :/
Wondering what to do,
Neil
1. My undying frustration towards normal mail being so slow
2. What I envision love to be,or should be
3. And finally my ever elusive relationship with my so-called best friend Emily.
Mail. Snail mail more correctly. How infuriating is it?!? Or more importantly, look how the Internet and immediate replies have morped us. I have three friends that are unavailable to either phone or Internet, and so letters are my only form of communication. It takes 2 weeks to get the mail to one of my friends (Sam), and then two back, making the communication take more than a month. My other friends Claire and Heidi are hiking, and I sent them letters two weeks ago also.
The lack of patience is so much that I wish I could just go there instead. I mean, how could people stand the suspense? If my life relied on a reply through the mail...I think I would die from the stress of wondering what it would be. Seriously! grrr! We should seriously consider implanting phones into our bodies at least,in our brains at most. You would never have to worry about contact getting lost or not received at all.Done rambling on that topic...lol
Love. It's something I am always talking about, probably because I am always trying to understand it.
My last relationship fizzled because I wanted to see how long it would take him to call me. I was convinced he wasn't trying hard enough, and sure enough it died because he didn't call for two weeks before I gave up. Steven is great, and amazing, at least in person. It's like the man is afraid of using the phone. I don't understand it. I am always the one trying to contact him. Am I at fault here, am I expecting too much, or is he not pulling his weight. It seems like I am repeating an old mistake. Yet whenever I call, I don't get an answer or I am putting my neck out too much.
My current vision of love is of a couple adventurers. They are on different journeys sometimes, but when together they share their adventures, and make some of their own together. It's almost like telling eachother a story about what youve experienced, and supporting eachother to keep going on.
I think finding this would be amazing. So why can't Steven be this? Or am I in the wrong?
Emily. We used to talk online and on the phone and on skype all the time during college. It was incessant; it was relieving. We would also talk so much about how summer was going to be amazing, how much time we were going to spend together.
Then she got injured, and we talked less and less and less. She just wouldn't be available, even though she had more time on her hands than ever (I at least thing this is so, because she couldn't do anything physical like Rowing). She left for Notre Dame after me only being able to see her once this summer. Last night she sent me a text saying how sad it was that we hadn't talked in a while, and when I tried to call her, she totally ignored my phone call! I don't know what game she is playing at. She was offended when I asked her if we were still friends, but seriously. Being injured doesn't mean you can't talk on the phone anymore.
When I got some nasty bug bites and was incapacitated to a bed for a couple days, I was going crazy and was ready to be entertained by anyone/anything that could get me to forget where I was. I would Imagine someone who has been just as incapacitated for 4 months to crave communication.
I miss her like crazy. I don't know what is going on. Is there a rift where we are drifting apart (I think this is improbable, but still the doubt is there)? Is she too self conscious where she doesn't want to trouble me with her problems? Is it something I have done?
I am not sure. I just hope it changes, because talking to her used to be the highlight of my days.
So there you have it, my current dilemma(s). Pretty Bleak, eh?
The sad thing about all of these situations is that I'm pretty sure none of them are my fault, so there is nothing I can really fix. It is a communications problem, and I am doing all I can to communicate..... :/
Wondering what to do,
Neil
Thursday, January 29, 2009
50th Post!
Whew! I can't believe I've posted in this blog fifty times! It doesn't really seem possible. at all haha
So I am now pretty sure that I have a steady group of friends. I've been hanging out with Emyli, Michael, and Cory. I just met Emyli's friend Danielle and we have a lot of things in common. She knows how to play Euchre, AND she takes methotrexate every saturday!!! Freaky, huh?
I have a swim meet this saturday; the last one before MIAC! I had a meeting with Coach (everyone has to have one with him), and all is well. I am just so dang busy all the time! Sleep and food are all I think about haha.
Emily Palid from home, unfortunately hurt her back, and is now wearing a back brace for 6-8 weeks. I feel so bad for her. She really does have the worst luck ever. Now she cant do any exercise whatsoever, and menial tasks like picking up a pencil off the floor are hard for her. She's stir crazy, but I try and help by calling her anytime I can.
I am also going to set up a meeting to inquire more about being an RA next year. Whew. I have a lot of questions, so I hope it will go well. We also finished out dance for showcase in May! Hallelujah! No more revision to remember!
<3
Neil
So I am now pretty sure that I have a steady group of friends. I've been hanging out with Emyli, Michael, and Cory. I just met Emyli's friend Danielle and we have a lot of things in common. She knows how to play Euchre, AND she takes methotrexate every saturday!!! Freaky, huh?
I have a swim meet this saturday; the last one before MIAC! I had a meeting with Coach (everyone has to have one with him), and all is well. I am just so dang busy all the time! Sleep and food are all I think about haha.
Emily Palid from home, unfortunately hurt her back, and is now wearing a back brace for 6-8 weeks. I feel so bad for her. She really does have the worst luck ever. Now she cant do any exercise whatsoever, and menial tasks like picking up a pencil off the floor are hard for her. She's stir crazy, but I try and help by calling her anytime I can.
I am also going to set up a meeting to inquire more about being an RA next year. Whew. I have a lot of questions, so I hope it will go well. We also finished out dance for showcase in May! Hallelujah! No more revision to remember!
<3
Neil
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Break and Stuff
So I've noticed that in order to commence in random chatter with people I always come up with negative things to talk about. So here is me talking only about positive things!:
The break was really cool. I really needed time to myself because that happens few and far between here. Also, with the inability to leave school at school and come home, school is my home! So somehow the worries never leave but thats ok because now I know. I think I am going to start meditating on my own again.
I biked to the store twice, and bought sandwiches/ buffalo wings/ and microwaveable food. The blueberry bagels I stole last week were very nice and comforting. I am so glad Alex let me borrow his bike in return for feeding his fish. Even though fish are pretty and cool to look at, I prefer cats or dogs because you can pet them and they are (mostly) free to roam around.
On monday I went to bed at 4 AM, and woke up at 4 PM. I love vacation! On Saturday I invited Bryan to hang out and watch a movie with me. He said yes, and so I spent the most of 2 hours making sure the place was super clean (it is a very clean room to my standards, and I am very proud of it!) and making myself look super clean. I told him I did not have many movies, and so he said to come over to Benilde hall to watch some of his! We watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which is an excellent movie I must say.
It went very well, and I think he is a really cool guy ;) He and Izzy were the only people here that I talked to. I talked to Claire, and she is still being her free-bird self off in Hawaii. And of course still getting in trouble with her mom hahaha. Emily seems to get hurt every week, thus resulting in me calling her unlucky. But she loves ND. She also has a boyfriend now who I am going to warn not to pull any funny business.
People came back and it was soooo weird. I didn't really want people back yet. Having the whole campus to myself was very "last man on earth" -y. For some reason whenever I envisioned being the last man on earth or being able to pause time, I always first went to IHOP or some such place to go eat pancakes :P mmmm
For some reason my stats grade went down, and my comp apps grade went up, so instead of having an A and a C I now have two Bs. Odd.....
In art we are making images in a circular border. This is much unknown to Western Culture, and I could definitely agree with that. For some reason my brain confuzzled and I could not come up with a good pattern. Later in my room, I did but it has some symbolism and deeper connotation to it. I also did this for my label pattern. Somehow I can't seem to like something without drawing some secret into it, or I cant like a painting until it has a made up story I like. Really really weird. I guess it's the INFJ in me...
I arrived late to swimming 30 minutes by mistake but coach saw me running so he wasn't mad; knowing I had made a mistake. I am now swimming in the fastest lane just like High School. Typical hahaha. Just John Fox and me, and he actually started talking! Its a miracle! He's actually really nice. If I had to guess though I would say he was a Rational (any thoughts Ariell?)
To break on my happy post I got some really bad news today. One of my friends back home in Cali got in trouble with the law, I won't go into detail but basically hes going to jail for a year or more for something I know he didn't do! :(:(:(
I know this because I was with him the day he is being accused of doing what never happened. All because of stereotypes. It really makes me sick that the Justice system can be so screwed up. Really makes me want to be a juror so I can see the truth with my own eyes. It is so weird being able to say I know someone who is in jail...I don't like it at all.
Anyways,
Love,
Neil
The break was really cool. I really needed time to myself because that happens few and far between here. Also, with the inability to leave school at school and come home, school is my home! So somehow the worries never leave but thats ok because now I know. I think I am going to start meditating on my own again.
I biked to the store twice, and bought sandwiches/ buffalo wings/ and microwaveable food. The blueberry bagels I stole last week were very nice and comforting. I am so glad Alex let me borrow his bike in return for feeding his fish. Even though fish are pretty and cool to look at, I prefer cats or dogs because you can pet them and they are (mostly) free to roam around.
On monday I went to bed at 4 AM, and woke up at 4 PM. I love vacation! On Saturday I invited Bryan to hang out and watch a movie with me. He said yes, and so I spent the most of 2 hours making sure the place was super clean (it is a very clean room to my standards, and I am very proud of it!) and making myself look super clean. I told him I did not have many movies, and so he said to come over to Benilde hall to watch some of his! We watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which is an excellent movie I must say.
It went very well, and I think he is a really cool guy ;) He and Izzy were the only people here that I talked to. I talked to Claire, and she is still being her free-bird self off in Hawaii. And of course still getting in trouble with her mom hahaha. Emily seems to get hurt every week, thus resulting in me calling her unlucky. But she loves ND. She also has a boyfriend now who I am going to warn not to pull any funny business.
People came back and it was soooo weird. I didn't really want people back yet. Having the whole campus to myself was very "last man on earth" -y. For some reason whenever I envisioned being the last man on earth or being able to pause time, I always first went to IHOP or some such place to go eat pancakes :P mmmm
For some reason my stats grade went down, and my comp apps grade went up, so instead of having an A and a C I now have two Bs. Odd.....
In art we are making images in a circular border. This is much unknown to Western Culture, and I could definitely agree with that. For some reason my brain confuzzled and I could not come up with a good pattern. Later in my room, I did but it has some symbolism and deeper connotation to it. I also did this for my label pattern. Somehow I can't seem to like something without drawing some secret into it, or I cant like a painting until it has a made up story I like. Really really weird. I guess it's the INFJ in me...
I arrived late to swimming 30 minutes by mistake but coach saw me running so he wasn't mad; knowing I had made a mistake. I am now swimming in the fastest lane just like High School. Typical hahaha. Just John Fox and me, and he actually started talking! Its a miracle! He's actually really nice. If I had to guess though I would say he was a Rational (any thoughts Ariell?)
To break on my happy post I got some really bad news today. One of my friends back home in Cali got in trouble with the law, I won't go into detail but basically hes going to jail for a year or more for something I know he didn't do! :(:(:(
I know this because I was with him the day he is being accused of doing what never happened. All because of stereotypes. It really makes me sick that the Justice system can be so screwed up. Really makes me want to be a juror so I can see the truth with my own eyes. It is so weird being able to say I know someone who is in jail...I don't like it at all.
Anyways,
Love,
Neil
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