Adventurer

I'm going to talk about three things here, most of them centering around my most important relationships, and sadly, of the fact that they are currently stagnant, either from distance, or a lack of communication.

1. My undying frustration towards normal mail being so slow
2. What I envision love to be,or should be
3. And finally my ever elusive relationship with my so-called best friend Emily.

Mail. Snail mail more correctly. How infuriating is it?!? Or more importantly, look how the Internet and immediate replies have morped us. I have three friends that are unavailable to either phone or Internet, and so letters are my only form of communication. It takes 2 weeks to get the mail to one of my friends (Sam), and then two back, making the communication take more than a month. My other friends Claire and Heidi are hiking, and I sent them letters two weeks ago also.

The lack of patience is so much that I wish I could just go there instead. I mean, how could people stand the suspense? If my life relied on a reply through the mail...I think I would die from the stress of wondering what it would be. Seriously! grrr! We should seriously consider implanting phones into our bodies at least,in our brains at most. You would never have to worry about contact getting lost or not received at all.Done rambling on that topic...lol

Love. It's something I am always talking about, probably because I am always trying to understand it.

My last relationship fizzled because I wanted to see how long it would take him to call me. I was convinced he wasn't trying hard enough, and sure enough it died because he didn't call for two weeks before I gave up. Steven is great, and amazing, at least in person. It's like the man is afraid of using the phone. I don't understand it. I am always the one trying to contact him. Am I at fault here, am I expecting too much, or is he not pulling his weight. It seems like I am repeating an old mistake. Yet whenever I call, I don't get an answer or I am putting my neck out too much.

My current vision of love is of a couple adventurers. They are on different journeys sometimes, but when together they share their adventures, and make some of their own together. It's almost like telling eachother a story about what youve experienced, and supporting eachother to keep going on.

I think finding this would be amazing. So why can't Steven be this? Or am I in the wrong?

Emily. We used to talk online and on the phone and on skype all the time during college. It was incessant; it was relieving. We would also talk so much about how summer was going to be amazing, how much time we were going to spend together.

Then she got injured, and we talked less and less and less. She just wouldn't be available, even though she had more time on her hands than ever (I at least thing this is so, because she couldn't do anything physical like Rowing). She left for Notre Dame after me only being able to see her once this summer. Last night she sent me a text saying how sad it was that we hadn't talked in a while, and when I tried to call her, she totally ignored my phone call! I don't know what game she is playing at. She was offended when I asked her if we were still friends, but seriously. Being injured doesn't mean you can't talk on the phone anymore.

When I got some nasty bug bites and was incapacitated to a bed for a couple days, I was going crazy and was ready to be entertained by anyone/anything that could get me to forget where I was. I would Imagine someone who has been just as incapacitated for 4 months to crave communication.

I miss her like crazy. I don't know what is going on. Is there a rift where we are drifting apart (I think this is improbable, but still the doubt is there)? Is she too self conscious where she doesn't want to trouble me with her problems? Is it something I have done?

I am not sure. I just hope it changes, because talking to her used to be the highlight of my days.




So there you have it, my current dilemma(s). Pretty Bleak, eh?
The sad thing about all of these situations is that I'm pretty sure none of them are my fault, so there is nothing I can really fix. It is a communications problem, and I am doing all I can to communicate..... :/

Wondering what to do,

Neil