I'm going to talk about three things here, most of them centering around my most important relationships, and sadly, of the fact that they are currently stagnant, either from distance, or a lack of communication.
1. My undying frustration towards normal mail being so slow
2. What I envision love to be,or should be
3. And finally my ever elusive relationship with my so-called best friend Emily.
Mail. Snail mail more correctly. How infuriating is it?!? Or more importantly, look how the Internet and immediate replies have morped us. I have three friends that are unavailable to either phone or Internet, and so letters are my only form of communication. It takes 2 weeks to get the mail to one of my friends (Sam), and then two back, making the communication take more than a month. My other friends Claire and Heidi are hiking, and I sent them letters two weeks ago also.
The lack of patience is so much that I wish I could just go there instead. I mean, how could people stand the suspense? If my life relied on a reply through the mail...I think I would die from the stress of wondering what it would be. Seriously! grrr! We should seriously consider implanting phones into our bodies at least,in our brains at most. You would never have to worry about contact getting lost or not received at all.Done rambling on that topic...lol
Love. It's something I am always talking about, probably because I am always trying to understand it.
My last relationship fizzled because I wanted to see how long it would take him to call me. I was convinced he wasn't trying hard enough, and sure enough it died because he didn't call for two weeks before I gave up. Steven is great, and amazing, at least in person. It's like the man is afraid of using the phone. I don't understand it. I am always the one trying to contact him. Am I at fault here, am I expecting too much, or is he not pulling his weight. It seems like I am repeating an old mistake. Yet whenever I call, I don't get an answer or I am putting my neck out too much.
My current vision of love is of a couple adventurers. They are on different journeys sometimes, but when together they share their adventures, and make some of their own together. It's almost like telling eachother a story about what youve experienced, and supporting eachother to keep going on.
I think finding this would be amazing. So why can't Steven be this? Or am I in the wrong?
Emily. We used to talk online and on the phone and on skype all the time during college. It was incessant; it was relieving. We would also talk so much about how summer was going to be amazing, how much time we were going to spend together.
Then she got injured, and we talked less and less and less. She just wouldn't be available, even though she had more time on her hands than ever (I at least thing this is so, because she couldn't do anything physical like Rowing). She left for Notre Dame after me only being able to see her once this summer. Last night she sent me a text saying how sad it was that we hadn't talked in a while, and when I tried to call her, she totally ignored my phone call! I don't know what game she is playing at. She was offended when I asked her if we were still friends, but seriously. Being injured doesn't mean you can't talk on the phone anymore.
When I got some nasty bug bites and was incapacitated to a bed for a couple days, I was going crazy and was ready to be entertained by anyone/anything that could get me to forget where I was. I would Imagine someone who has been just as incapacitated for 4 months to crave communication.
I miss her like crazy. I don't know what is going on. Is there a rift where we are drifting apart (I think this is improbable, but still the doubt is there)? Is she too self conscious where she doesn't want to trouble me with her problems? Is it something I have done?
I am not sure. I just hope it changes, because talking to her used to be the highlight of my days.
So there you have it, my current dilemma(s). Pretty Bleak, eh?
The sad thing about all of these situations is that I'm pretty sure none of them are my fault, so there is nothing I can really fix. It is a communications problem, and I am doing all I can to communicate..... :/
Wondering what to do,
Neil
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Update
Was planning on having a large summer blog post before I went back to school, but this thing will pretty much be the Timeline that I rely upon for possibly the rest of my life. So it's good to keep track. (ie this post is more for me, but I guess you guys can revel in the joy too.)
So, I Introduce to this blog a new factor: Steven!
So I met Steven through a dating website called Chemistry. >_> dont judge me lmao!
He was the first person I've ever done this with, and hopefully will be the last.
So I Decided to meet up with him at the canyon near my house because Claire wanted to go hiking there. Pretty much a plan to hit two birds with one stone, but also because I get really shy when meeting new people, and I used Claire as a buffer. This was on June 5th. We pretty much just hiked all over hell, and it made me super tired. I realized right away how awesome he was! He also looked amazing by the way.
June 11th, He kept up with his promise to take me to a Sushi place (I had told him I had never eaten the stuff), and sure enough he did. We went to this place in the heart of Hillcrest, right off of 30th street called Ubizu Sushi or something. It was terribly romantic (thats a good thing), and I found it funny that every person in there was with another guy. Big surprise eh? lol
After that we went to watch Angels and Demons, and damn! What an amazing movie! Way better than the first one.
June 13th, he said that there was this monthly art show called Ray at Night, where you can see art for free all across one street. It was amazing and awesome! There was normal artwork, and then there was street artwork, like spraypainted pictures on cardboard, jewelry, and paper sculptures. I was beyond impressed.
After that (it closed at 10), we went to the cove, and I showed him the scenic walkway, the Cove, where we watched the stars and ocean, and *tried* to show him my secret beach, Strachan. Unfortunately it was high tide, and I got his and my shoes soaking wet! augh! lol
Today, June 19th, he wanted to visit Strachan, probably because he was unable to before. We finally got there (it was a little bit high tide), and just talked some more. I walked up to a perch on the outside of Strachan to see how high the waves were getting, and at one point he said something, and grabbed one of my belt loops, and kissed me!
It was funny because the first kiss he didn't seem to find satisfactory (I didn't either), so he mumbled nuh-uh, and we kissed again, this time perfectly (they were pretty much the same kiss if you get what I mean.) I was amazing.
He then wanted to see Morgan's Cove. So, after warning him what it was like, we went, and climbed down there. We watched the kayakers go by, and they definitely were watching us sit there too. After climbing back up, we sat on this cement-pillar thing. It was an amazing view. Then I kissed him, and it was just as amazing! Man I am lost to love already. whewwwww on the love drug! :P
Yours,
Neil :D
So, I Introduce to this blog a new factor: Steven!
So I met Steven through a dating website called Chemistry. >_> dont judge me lmao!
He was the first person I've ever done this with, and hopefully will be the last.
So I Decided to meet up with him at the canyon near my house because Claire wanted to go hiking there. Pretty much a plan to hit two birds with one stone, but also because I get really shy when meeting new people, and I used Claire as a buffer. This was on June 5th. We pretty much just hiked all over hell, and it made me super tired. I realized right away how awesome he was! He also looked amazing by the way.
June 11th, He kept up with his promise to take me to a Sushi place (I had told him I had never eaten the stuff), and sure enough he did. We went to this place in the heart of Hillcrest, right off of 30th street called Ubizu Sushi or something. It was terribly romantic (thats a good thing), and I found it funny that every person in there was with another guy. Big surprise eh? lol
After that we went to watch Angels and Demons, and damn! What an amazing movie! Way better than the first one.
June 13th, he said that there was this monthly art show called Ray at Night, where you can see art for free all across one street. It was amazing and awesome! There was normal artwork, and then there was street artwork, like spraypainted pictures on cardboard, jewelry, and paper sculptures. I was beyond impressed.
After that (it closed at 10), we went to the cove, and I showed him the scenic walkway, the Cove, where we watched the stars and ocean, and *tried* to show him my secret beach, Strachan. Unfortunately it was high tide, and I got his and my shoes soaking wet! augh! lol
Today, June 19th, he wanted to visit Strachan, probably because he was unable to before. We finally got there (it was a little bit high tide), and just talked some more. I walked up to a perch on the outside of Strachan to see how high the waves were getting, and at one point he said something, and grabbed one of my belt loops, and kissed me!
It was funny because the first kiss he didn't seem to find satisfactory (I didn't either), so he mumbled nuh-uh, and we kissed again, this time perfectly (they were pretty much the same kiss if you get what I mean.) I was amazing.
He then wanted to see Morgan's Cove. So, after warning him what it was like, we went, and climbed down there. We watched the kayakers go by, and they definitely were watching us sit there too. After climbing back up, we sat on this cement-pillar thing. It was an amazing view. Then I kissed him, and it was just as amazing! Man I am lost to love already. whewwwww on the love drug! :P
Yours,
Neil :D
Friday, May 8, 2009
End of Freshman Year
Hello Everyone!,
So, the end of the school year has come, and not soon enough! I am actually at home right now, In sunny Southern California (be jealous, muahaha!) Soaking up the ever present rays of the sun! I must admit that I miss the weather that made my hair less frizzy and didn't give me (currently)a headache, but really who cares?!? It is warm enough to walk outside without a coat at night and it is so bright and beautiful! <3
With the end of the year, I must admit I am not sure what I want to do with this blog. I know I want to start it up again next year, but for the summer I might take a break. Who knows? I might just miss it enough to start back up again. Or if something absolutely important needs to be logged (blogged? ha!) it definitely will be.
Right now I am enjoying life, and I am going to start exercising like hell, get a much needed haircut, start work, and start the life experience that is meditation. I also am going to be writing a lot, doing artwork, and such! Wow I will be busy, but if I plan it right, it should be easy!
Love to all!
Neil
So, the end of the school year has come, and not soon enough! I am actually at home right now, In sunny Southern California (be jealous, muahaha!) Soaking up the ever present rays of the sun! I must admit that I miss the weather that made my hair less frizzy and didn't give me (currently)a headache, but really who cares?!? It is warm enough to walk outside without a coat at night and it is so bright and beautiful! <3
With the end of the year, I must admit I am not sure what I want to do with this blog. I know I want to start it up again next year, but for the summer I might take a break. Who knows? I might just miss it enough to start back up again. Or if something absolutely important needs to be logged (blogged? ha!) it definitely will be.
Right now I am enjoying life, and I am going to start exercising like hell, get a much needed haircut, start work, and start the life experience that is meditation. I also am going to be writing a lot, doing artwork, and such! Wow I will be busy, but if I plan it right, it should be easy!
Love to all!
Neil
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Latest Happenings
I am sorry that I have not written more, but the craziness that was the last few weeks prevented such. Now that I am caught up, I can tell you all about the fun stuff that has been happening!
Last weekend, I made cupcakes with Regina and Jayne. They were the funfetti kind, and how awesome they were! Jayne had also bought a whole can of Icing, and we were all taking some to lick off. I used a knife. I know you can foresee what happens next! The frosting was so good, that I forgot to be careful and accidentally cut my tongue! :( :(
I was worried the rest of the night about it, because it hurt like hell. After that I went to bed. I woke up, and after spending some time on the computer, I remembered the cut! Checking my tongue, it was 90% after only one night! Injuries in your mouth really DO heal fast! After two days, when I checked again, I couldn't tell were the cut had been.
My speech on gay marriage I don't think went too well. First of all, I was the fourth person to go that day, so the audience was dead and didn't care. Second off, like my normal overachieving self, I had about 30 minutes of informations for a speech that was supposed to be 10 minutes long! Some of the pictures in my powerpoint also did not work. Much was left to be desired, and I had to leave a lot out. I think my speech on Garibaldi fish went a lot better than this one.
On friday it was 90 degrees out. I was sweating like a pig, and really wanted to go to the beach. Thankfully Feather and Robby were going to a "beach" and asked me if I wanted to come along. I said sure! I forgot that I didn't bring boardshorts from home, so I had to make due with my speedo. To sum it all up, it was way too cold to go into the water for longer than thirty seconds, so we all just sun-tanned for a couple of hours. Felt so good!
While I was watching TV, a channel announced that there was going to be a severe thunderstorm warning. Ha! it was 90 degrees! I looked out side and to the north was a huge expanse of black clouds. How weather changes here! Much to say I was super excited!!!!!!
I grabbed my camera and was in absolute heaven. The clouds were moving and changing so much, I was snapping away every second. I got some really good ones, like the one in my profile pic. Then it began to rain. The drops were so big, one hit my camera and got the whole front screen wet. It was insane.
Later that night, for who knows what reason, Jayne and Regina wanted to straighten my hair. Also, for some reason I gave in. They did manage to straighten my hair, but it hurt like hell the whole time. The people that do that every day must be sadistic. I'll stick to my wavy hair any day. They thought it looked good, but I had to play around with it for it to please me. We then went running in the rain and it thankfully went back to normal!
The day after that I discovered some dogwood trees in full bloom, and practiced taking pictures of those. They were so beautiful, but it was definitely frustrating and hard work to get just the right focus each time. Now I see why professionals hate automatic cameras, when it is just as easy to focus it yourselves. I'll need one of these cameras for my photography class, and I am hoping I can borrow it from the teacher, but if not I am going to have to buy one. I'll put more pictures up later!
That is all for now, Can't wait to be home!!!
<3 Neil
Last weekend, I made cupcakes with Regina and Jayne. They were the funfetti kind, and how awesome they were! Jayne had also bought a whole can of Icing, and we were all taking some to lick off. I used a knife. I know you can foresee what happens next! The frosting was so good, that I forgot to be careful and accidentally cut my tongue! :( :(
I was worried the rest of the night about it, because it hurt like hell. After that I went to bed. I woke up, and after spending some time on the computer, I remembered the cut! Checking my tongue, it was 90% after only one night! Injuries in your mouth really DO heal fast! After two days, when I checked again, I couldn't tell were the cut had been.
My speech on gay marriage I don't think went too well. First of all, I was the fourth person to go that day, so the audience was dead and didn't care. Second off, like my normal overachieving self, I had about 30 minutes of informations for a speech that was supposed to be 10 minutes long! Some of the pictures in my powerpoint also did not work. Much was left to be desired, and I had to leave a lot out. I think my speech on Garibaldi fish went a lot better than this one.
On friday it was 90 degrees out. I was sweating like a pig, and really wanted to go to the beach. Thankfully Feather and Robby were going to a "beach" and asked me if I wanted to come along. I said sure! I forgot that I didn't bring boardshorts from home, so I had to make due with my speedo. To sum it all up, it was way too cold to go into the water for longer than thirty seconds, so we all just sun-tanned for a couple of hours. Felt so good!
While I was watching TV, a channel announced that there was going to be a severe thunderstorm warning. Ha! it was 90 degrees! I looked out side and to the north was a huge expanse of black clouds. How weather changes here! Much to say I was super excited!!!!!!
I grabbed my camera and was in absolute heaven. The clouds were moving and changing so much, I was snapping away every second. I got some really good ones, like the one in my profile pic. Then it began to rain. The drops were so big, one hit my camera and got the whole front screen wet. It was insane.
Later that night, for who knows what reason, Jayne and Regina wanted to straighten my hair. Also, for some reason I gave in. They did manage to straighten my hair, but it hurt like hell the whole time. The people that do that every day must be sadistic. I'll stick to my wavy hair any day. They thought it looked good, but I had to play around with it for it to please me. We then went running in the rain and it thankfully went back to normal!
The day after that I discovered some dogwood trees in full bloom, and practiced taking pictures of those. They were so beautiful, but it was definitely frustrating and hard work to get just the right focus each time. Now I see why professionals hate automatic cameras, when it is just as easy to focus it yourselves. I'll need one of these cameras for my photography class, and I am hoping I can borrow it from the teacher, but if not I am going to have to buy one. I'll put more pictures up later!
That is all for now, Can't wait to be home!!!
<3 Neil
Friday, April 17, 2009
Day of Silence
COMPLETE!!!
Woke up. Didn't say a word. Got the tape, got the sign, got the shirt!
Went to class. Got a lot of confused looks, but no askers yet.
History of the Bible teacher made me take off the tape. Mean lady! Haven't talked yet!
It's amazing how much we use our voice! I never realized how much hearing my own voice calmed me down sometimes. Your thinking process seems stronger without having to vocalize everything. This silence is hard and frustrating. This is what it must feel like for people too afraid to voice their opinion.
Not speaking creates so much more time in your day!!! I don't know what to do with myself.
It's amazing how much we say every day; most of it pointless blabber. Silence really does say more sometimes.
Awkward silences....they really say a lot.
Silence is kind of scary. Even with me being able to text and write on paper.
What am I going to say first when this is over?
I am trying to look everyone in the eye when they stare or smirk at me. It is hard. But, I know that I carry the truth, so what is there to be ashamed of?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to Lunch. It was kind of fun, but doing charades is more difficult than it looks. Thank God for texting.
After a while not saying anything gets boring. Decided to leave.
Almost spoke on the way back!!!!! :/:/:/:/ whew!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to art class. It's amazing that a sister of the Catholic Church is more understanding about this than my bible teacher.
Almost spoke in art class. There were wasps! Killed one.
Almost sang leaving class because I always sing to my music. OOps :P
ONLY 2 MORE HOURS!!! :D:D
With 10 minutes left, I decided to walk to the plaza to join the others like we had planned. I was walking there, and this girl I had met twice saw me and asked how I was. I said Good! AUUUUGHHHH!!! FIVE MINUTES BEFORE!!!!!
At the plaza only Kassie is there. One teacher walks by and says had she known others were doing day of silence, she would have joined us! I txtd everyone to come and celebrate being able to talk again.
at 5 I shouted WOOHOOO WE CAN TALK AGAIN! And later we all screamed as loud as we could. So much fun!
Woke up. Didn't say a word. Got the tape, got the sign, got the shirt!
Went to class. Got a lot of confused looks, but no askers yet.
History of the Bible teacher made me take off the tape. Mean lady! Haven't talked yet!
It's amazing how much we use our voice! I never realized how much hearing my own voice calmed me down sometimes. Your thinking process seems stronger without having to vocalize everything. This silence is hard and frustrating. This is what it must feel like for people too afraid to voice their opinion.
Not speaking creates so much more time in your day!!! I don't know what to do with myself.
It's amazing how much we say every day; most of it pointless blabber. Silence really does say more sometimes.
Awkward silences....they really say a lot.
Silence is kind of scary. Even with me being able to text and write on paper.
What am I going to say first when this is over?
I am trying to look everyone in the eye when they stare or smirk at me. It is hard. But, I know that I carry the truth, so what is there to be ashamed of?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to Lunch. It was kind of fun, but doing charades is more difficult than it looks. Thank God for texting.
After a while not saying anything gets boring. Decided to leave.
Almost spoke on the way back!!!!! :/:/:/:/ whew!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to art class. It's amazing that a sister of the Catholic Church is more understanding about this than my bible teacher.
Almost spoke in art class. There were wasps! Killed one.
Almost sang leaving class because I always sing to my music. OOps :P
ONLY 2 MORE HOURS!!! :D:D
With 10 minutes left, I decided to walk to the plaza to join the others like we had planned. I was walking there, and this girl I had met twice saw me and asked how I was. I said Good! AUUUUGHHHH!!! FIVE MINUTES BEFORE!!!!!
At the plaza only Kassie is there. One teacher walks by and says had she known others were doing day of silence, she would have joined us! I txtd everyone to come and celebrate being able to talk again.
at 5 I shouted WOOHOOO WE CAN TALK AGAIN! And later we all screamed as loud as we could. So much fun!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Cleaning Up
Whew!
Sorry I have not posted sooner, but I have been extremely busy. Easter break was a lot of fun! I spent a lot of time cooking things, like mexican food, and desserts. I also went to church (twice), and I must say that that was enough for me for a long time. Give me a walk through nature or a swim at the beach any day (that is my church!) Danielle and I definitely had a good time. Just don't make me live in a town that small! (700 ppl) I WILL go mad!
So. Less than two weeks of class, and less than three weeks of school left. I am so busy just trying to clear things up, getting things ready to leave, finishing projects that teachers have assigned last minute, etc, etc!
I still have yet to give my speech on gay marriage, I still have yet to give my speech on impressionism. The school won't store my fridge and printer for me. My friend Ashley said that she would take the stuff over the summer because she has three homes and can store it somewhere till next year. It seems like I am all set!
Tomorrow is a big day! I am going to be hosting Day of Silence with my friends, and we are all not going to talk for the day. We made T-shirts, and I am personally proud of mine! I will post pictures for sure. After we "break the silence" at 5 PM, we are going up to a club in the cities to dance the night away! I am so excited!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D
If anyone would like to join me in day of silence tomorrow, it means this: That you will not talk until 5 PM (Others and myself have found it helps to duct tape your mouth) in order to protest the GLBT people who are silenced from voicing their opinion by bullying, name-calling, and harrasment. This is a silent, and peaceful protest for gay rights. If anyone should come up to you, show them this card:
So don't call me tomorrow! I can't speak!
Neil Heacox
Sorry I have not posted sooner, but I have been extremely busy. Easter break was a lot of fun! I spent a lot of time cooking things, like mexican food, and desserts. I also went to church (twice), and I must say that that was enough for me for a long time. Give me a walk through nature or a swim at the beach any day (that is my church!) Danielle and I definitely had a good time. Just don't make me live in a town that small! (700 ppl) I WILL go mad!
So. Less than two weeks of class, and less than three weeks of school left. I am so busy just trying to clear things up, getting things ready to leave, finishing projects that teachers have assigned last minute, etc, etc!
I still have yet to give my speech on gay marriage, I still have yet to give my speech on impressionism. The school won't store my fridge and printer for me. My friend Ashley said that she would take the stuff over the summer because she has three homes and can store it somewhere till next year. It seems like I am all set!
Tomorrow is a big day! I am going to be hosting Day of Silence with my friends, and we are all not going to talk for the day. We made T-shirts, and I am personally proud of mine! I will post pictures for sure. After we "break the silence" at 5 PM, we are going up to a club in the cities to dance the night away! I am so excited!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D
If anyone would like to join me in day of silence tomorrow, it means this: That you will not talk until 5 PM (Others and myself have found it helps to duct tape your mouth) in order to protest the GLBT people who are silenced from voicing their opinion by bullying, name-calling, and harrasment. This is a silent, and peaceful protest for gay rights. If anyone should come up to you, show them this card:
So don't call me tomorrow! I can't speak!
Neil Heacox
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